The Janusz Newlyweds!

january

2012-01-26T21:00:00.003-06:00

Post-Christmas has consisted of lots of grey outside and lots of grey inside. The weather is sad, and David and I are both sick (I've had a migraine for three weeks, and as of 2 days ago David is fighting a virus. Yuck.)

We have had lots of smiles and managed to take a few pictures along the way, though!

We visited our friends

I started learning how to use my camera more.

And I got a migraine and took a day off of work.

We went for family pictures.

And loooove the mobile above the crib.

And I kept working on my camera skills!

Making it work

2012-01-26T14:32:00.000-06:00

Sick hubby means I'm home caring for the babes. And in between feedings, trying to catch up on work. Here I am, typing left-hand only while holding Will who's been fiiiiighting napping for the last hour.

(As I type this, he's finally asleep and I'm sweating my double chin off).

Maybe I can have it all??

(And....eyeballs looking at me. Go to sleep!!)

teaching love and respect

2012-01-24T12:13:00.000-06:00

The gay / straight / God conflict is something I have thought about a lot. I have always felt so conflicted. I don't like the intolerance people around me have. Whether you feel that homosexuality is "right" or "wrong," "okay" or "not okay," it's not really up to us to decide. That's for God. I believe our job is to love those that we share this earth with. And show them God's love, too.

I was moved to write this post today because of a blog I read this morning. I officially LOVE this girl (I've read 2 posts and agree with both of them. 2 rights make a LOVE.)

Now that I'm a mom, I dream about Will & Kendal as adults -- what sports will they like? How will they feel about us, their parents? Where will they go to school? What will they study? What will they be?

David and I have talked a lot lately about self-esteem. And bullying. And how we'll raise our kids to be strong, respectful, awesome people. And the importance that our children know they are worth so much more than their looks (we do a lot of saying, "you are just so cute!!" in our house.). We want them to know they are kind, respectful, smart, important people. And so we tell them that too. In fact, I think we'll make it the mantra around our house.

I already am and can't wait to feel proud of them over and over again in their lives.

I know some of my friends and readers won't agree with me on this, and others will. I'm okay with that - if I wasn't, I wouldn't post this. I can't wait to meet the people my kids fall in love with. It's a beautiful feeling. I love the way their daddy makes me feel.

So go ahead friends - read on. This lady's name is Glennon and I like her a lot. She's written a beautiful letter to her son.

A mountain I'm willing to die on

having it all

2012-01-23T11:40:00.002-06:00

I could probably post about this e-v-e-r-y day. While I feel so lucky, for my family, that David can stay home with the twins (not only are they not at daycare, but their dad is caring for them), I am jealous of the life that the three of them lead. And TRUST me, I know that the life of a stay-at-home parent is not easy. I feel that every weekend when I am home all day with the twins. It is a ton of work to be with kids all day. A TON. I am jealous of the moments they have together, though. I'm jealous of all the smiles, all the coos, just the TIME they get to spend together. I can't totally put it into words, but I feel like I am missing so much of their infancy. These months just fly by and in many ways I'm just so sleep-deprived I can't even remember yesterday. And I just want to hold on to these moments. Lock them in my brain so that I can recall them again in years to come.

I look at the babies every night when I get home and feel like they've changed so much in the 12 hours that I've been gone. And sometimes I feel like they look at me thinking "who are you, stranger?" Many days it feels like I work two full-time jobs. I get home at 5:15 and start my second shift. And I'm so tired, but I give the babies everything I have - any ounce that is left because it's my time with them. I don't want to feel cheated of those minutes.

The battle complicates further because it's not that I want to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. I know that would get very frustrating to me, too. And I do love my job. I know, from talking to my friends, that this is the never-ending battle we all face. Stay home, work, or some combination. And none are perfect or ideal. As I said to a friend last week, "we have to stop feeling unhappy/unsatisfied about what we have and stop trying to change it because in the meantime life is passing us by." It's time to make the most of the hour or two I have with the babies each night and gobble up every second on the weekend. Stop wasting mental energy thinking about what I don't have, how much my head hurts, how tired I am, and instead relish in the moments I do have, the coos I do hear, the nap I take with a baby on my chest.

There are a million articles about this subject. They at least help validate the feelings of "I'm a working mom who feels like I have nothing, when in fact, I could change perspective and feel like I have it all."

After a recent trip to the OB I saw Working Mother magazine and of course assumed, that by subscribing, I would be a better working mom. You know, the same magic that works to lose weight by simply buying the work-out video. Hey, I subscribed and my first issue just arrived - I'll give it a little more time to start seeing results :)

What I found interesting about this article from Working Mother, though, is the new perspective it showed me about dads. Because they may be feeling some similar things. We need money to make our world go round. We also need to give love and feel love. Our best child-rearing years are our money-making years, in this culture. And maybe that sucks.

I think this thought sums it up best for me:
"We want the noise and embrace of family around us; we want, at the end of our lives, to look back and see that what we have done amounts to more than a pile of pay stubs, that we have loved and been loved, and brought into this word life that will outlast us."

Alright moms - how about you - how do you feel in your working situation about the way you're raising your kids? The good, the bad, the ugly. I want to hear it!

At this moment in my life

2012-01-21T12:14:00.001-06:00

The days are just flying by. Trying to hold onto each memory but it's so hard with all of life's distractions...(I'm currently ignoring dishes, laundry and work I brought home.)

How about all the moms out there - how do you handle the battle of "it all?"

"real" family photos

2012-01-18T11:30:00.001-06:00

We took our first journey to a real photo studio this past weekend. And it may very well be out last. Honestly, the process of getting the babies dressed, PRAYING they wouldn't spit up on or poop through their outfits on the way to the studio and dealing with the crazy people in the tiny studio.

After an uneventful 20 minute session (Kendal smiled a lot, Will did not) we went over to the viewing computer. And here's where it all got ugly. The photographer started clicking through and manipulating photos faster than I could keep up. At the same time she was spouting off how pricing works. It was a mess. I can't even find the right words to describe the experience. I do know that I was so frustrated I told the woman to give me some time to think about our options and I was sweating. I also dropped the F-word at one point. I think the problem, is that for me, in a world where we have digital files that we can do whatever we want with, I am just not used to having to think ahead and plan out how many 8x10 or 5x7 to buy. In fact, there were a few minutes where we were contemplating purchasing the CD of images for $150 just so that we could leave. We were that miserable.

Thank GOD we realized that there were really only three images we liked - and they were definitely not worth $50 a piece.

And so, we quickly bundled up the babies and got the F out of there :)

And we slept through the night!

2012-01-17T08:48:00.000-06:00

After three nights of trying to "persuade" Kendal to sleep through the night (at 3 a.m. when Kendal wakes up David went in to give her a pacifier over and over again until 5:00 when I wake up and feed them) we decided that if she wakes up, I would feed her.

I know, a step backward, but after talking to their doctor yesterday (I was there for my migraines and it's just another reason why having a family doctor is so handy - we can all get consultations at once!) she felt that 4 months of age would be a good time to cut their night feeding. That we certainly don't have to wake them to eat, but if they want it, it's probably because they need it. She reassured me that at 4 months of age a baby is neurologically advanced enough that we can actually "withhold" that feeding.

So, I decided last night that if Kendal wakes up, I will feed her.

And then she slept through the night.

Amen!

the twinsies turned 3 months

2012-01-13T12:49:00.000-06:00

I'm WAY overdue posting about a million things: first smiles, first coos and just the general "how we're getting by around casa Janusz these days," but I also missed sharing the babies' 3 month photo with you!

Seriously. Does life get any better?

We're headed for our first "real" family photos tomorrow, courtesy of a JCPenney gift card. Cannot wait to see how that goes!

breakthough!

2012-01-09T08:04:00.000-06:00

The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night! The babies slept through the night!

It doesn't seem real. But they really did it! And I'm blogging about it quickly in the event that it doesn't happen again for awhile. Even though I am so hopeful that it will happen again, tonight!

I'm also trying to figure out what we did last night that caused them to sleep through the night so that I can repeat those actions again tonight! (I'm married to a scientist, what can I say. It's a constant evaluation of inputs and outcomes in our house).

Maybe it was the visit from my bff Jaime and her three kids with all of their kisses and hugs (and energy!). Maybe it was their relaxing baths (although, to be clear, they have been bathed before). Maybe it was the rocking they got from their grandma K before they had their last feeding....

And on the heals of this amazingness, tonight is our first real date night. As in, someone else, namely my parents, will be putting the babies to bed. This is obviously a big deal. I'm excited to have some time with David and also curious to see how pumping in the car goes (while he drives, of course).

I'm gonna send the babies a quick email letting them know how proud I am of them and how much I love them.

**note: I didn't get this posted last week when it happened (which was actually Thursday night). But, I am posting this anyway. And, it hasn't happened since. Crossing my fingers we'll be back to the land of sleeping longer than 4 hours soon!**

twinsies first Christmas

2011-12-31T14:43:00.002-06:00

We thoroughly enjoyed our first Christmas as parents. Since our pediatrician strongly advised we steer clear of large crowds (to avoid the babies getting sick), we skipped my big family gathering and had a low-key Christmas. It was a great time!

Family of 4! Will in his first tie and sweater and Kendal in her first dress. I think we'll have to save these outfits!

Brother and sister just hanging out!

Grandpa Janusz, who showed up with their presents!

Mom and Kendal

Dad and William

Will with his shirt/tie (made by his Aunt Emily)

Kendal in her "scrappy tutu" (also made by Aunt Emily)

it's been a whirlwind

2011-12-29T14:08:00.001-06:00

I literally have 3 posts started and haven't been able to put the finishing touches (i.e. more than 6 words) on any of them.

My life has been so consumed with going back to work and loving on the babies at night - that that's literally all I do! Every once in awhile I remind myself that I really need to shower and hop in there quickly.

For those wondering, here's what my schedule looks like during the week. It's a whirlwind, and weekends are fab. I have to say, having a stay-at-home husband has been key. He does a great job cooking, doing dishes, vacuuming, laundry and keeping the house "peaceful." I love him for it all.

5:00 - wake up and shower
5:30 - wake up the twins and feed them, put them back to bed
6:30 - drive to the bus stop
6:50 - 7:45 ride the bus into Milwaukee
8:00 - 4 work
4:10 - back on the bus
5:00 - home and hang out with the babies
5:45 - feed the babies
6 - 7:30 eat dinner, play with the babies, baths, etc.
7:45 - feed the babies and put them to bed
9:00 - bed
2:00 - feed the babies (holding out hope that they drop this feeding SOON! But really, one feeding mid-sleep isn't so bad :)

Watch the blog for posts about the twinsies' first Christmas and my end-of-the year recap. In the meantime, enjoy our Christmas card. These babies are just so cute. Can not get enough of them!

sweet daddy

2011-12-23T15:36:00.003-06:00

I just have to share these memories from the twins' first day of life. See, before 10/11/11 David had never held and infant. And then his world changed.

Here he is holding Will. I think this was while I was in recovery. Kendal had gone to the NICU to be watched for a bit because of her breathing. Will went because Kendal went--the doctors thought it wouldn't hurt to monitor him for a little while too. And while I was stuck recovering, I wanted David with the babies.

And here's a photo of him feeding Will. Maybe for the very first time. Since I'm not sure, we'll pretend it was.

Here's David changing his very first diaper. Nurse Connie walked him through it. And Will even passed gas on David's hand. Classic.

looking back on my ultrasounds

2011-12-20T10:24:00.002-06:00

I started backing up videos this week. I hadn't realized how much the nurses captured of the twins' birth day (more on that in another post). In posting some of those videos to YouTube I came back across videos I took of some of the twins' ultrasounds.

At the time the videos were neat because they captured my future kids. I will say though, I never felt super connected to the babies. Seeing them on screen there was almost a space or distance between them and me. It was surreal that that was what was in my belly. But watching the videos now is SUPER neat because I can watch them and I know that the little baby on screen is MY Kendal and MY Will. I can almost really see them now when I watch the babies moving around. It's a weird connection seeing them now in real life, and them on video--it's almost as if it takes me back and I can feel them in my belly again.

Here's a video of Kendal "Baby A, Girl" at 20 weeks.

And, of course, Will, "Baby B, Boy" at 20 weeks.

While I'm thinking of it, I am going to email them to the twins so they have them to watch some day ... (that's right, I started email accounts for Will & Kendal. As I have pictures, memories and other nuggets I want them to see some day I just email them. Seems like a cool thing to do with their ultrasounds!)

How about other moms? What did you do with your ultrasound pictures and videos?

funny funny kid photos

2011-12-15T09:54:00.000-06:00

The goal was simple - a photo of the twins + their 2 cousins (Soren-2 years and Kelton-4 months) to give my parents for Christmas.

Photo # 1. Note that Will cannot lay on the back of his head - it's not pointy, but not flat enough, so he always looks to one side or the other....

Photo #2 Thank goodness Kelton and Soren are smiling pretty. The twinsies are clueless!

Photo #3 I believe this was after Soren head-butted Will and he started screaming. Kendal is in her own world dancing...

In the end we gave my parents this photo. So. Much. Better!

working mom

2011-12-06T08:37:00.001-06:00

I wish the world ranon love. Because we'd be rich. I would be at home with my husband and my babieseating cheese curds and watching bad daytime tv.

Eight weeks ago Icouldn't even think about going back to work. It seemed like a far away land.Eight weeks is a long time, after all.

And in a blink Ihave 8-week-old babies. I can't imagine life without them (although I can remember life before them). My husband whohad never held an infant (8 weeks ago) is now a seasoned pro. He doeseverything I do. And most of it he does better than me.

Only being able toafford an 8 week maternity leave was disappointing, but being able to have himhome with me for that time (instead of only a short paternity leave) was such ablessing. I knew that and reminded myself of it often.

Life is abouttransitions. We go through them constantly. And here I am at another today.I've taken on a new role - working mom. Ifeel so lucky to have a job that I love and a husband who can take care of ourkids.

For me, the newchallenge comes with being just that. A working mom. I want to take pride in mywork and work my ass of while I'm here.And then forget it about it all and be the best mom when I'm with my babies. That'swhat I need to do - be the best worker at work and the best mom at home. Andforget the opposite when I'm not there. AND forget about house chores when I'mhome at night. I need to just enjoy my babies. It will be a challenge for me.All of it. But how lucky am I that I get to face this challenge? So lucky.

I sent this email tothe babies this morning for them to read some day:

Dearbabies,

Today ismy first day back to work. I miss you already and I've been gone 20 minutes.

I knowthat you are safe and happy with your dad, and I am so very thankful for that.You have the best dad in the world you know.

I'mgoing to do my best to have energy for you every night when I get home. I'mgoing to put you before everything else that needs doing. You're the mostimportant things in life.

I loveyou both so much.

Here's apicture of each of you from last night when you went to bed. (you are in yourcar seats because you are sick and sitting up helps you breathe. It's yourfirst cold and was so sad when you got it.)

I can'twait to see you in 10.5 hours. Be good for your daddy.

Loveyou.

Mom

And with this, I'mwalking to the bus and heading home. I'm not bringing my laptop. My work willbe here tomorrow when I get here.

And I can't wait tosee these adorable faces in an hour.

they'll be believers

2011-12-04T17:36:00.001-06:00

Today we took the twinsies to a party their grandparents were attending. Santa was going to be there for a couple of hours and I thought it was a good chance to have their photo taken without dealing with the mall (would have never done it).

On the way David and I talked about how excited we are for starting traditions with the babies. This Christmas won't be "that" exciting (from a kid perspective); we're not putting up a tree or getting them presents. But it will be exciting because it's their first Christmas. And next year will be exciting because we will get their first Christmas tree. And we'll be able to see their eyes sparkle at all the Christmas lights. We'll read them the story of Jesus' birth. (Heck, we might do that this year too).

We can't wait for their first ride on the boat next summer. Their first cook out at the lake. Their first walk through town with their grandpa. Their first play date with their cousins. First fourth of July parade. The list goes on and on. Next Christmas when we take them to grandma and grandpa's for Christmas morning and all eat french toast. Yum.

What about you? What family traditions have you started for your children? I'd love ideas that we could do for the twinsies!

tandem feeding

2011-11-29T15:51:00.001-06:00

I've been tandem breast feeding for 7 weeks now. Whoa. Crazy to think about it. 7 weeks ago I just wanted to try breast feeding. I had no idea if it would work for one baby, let alone two. And it has!

But, with my impending return to work 6 days away (BOO!) we're using bottles more and more for the twins.

And today - David tried tandem feeding the twins for the first time.

He did great. And so did the babies.

mommy + babies

2011-11-28T20:45:00.001-06:00

These are the moments I need to engrave on my heart. I hope I never forget them.

who needs a crib?

2011-11-28T20:36:00.001-06:00

Last night the twins slept in their car seats. And it worked for them. And by worked for them, I mean, it worked for us. It worked for everyone. I have no idea what happened between 9 and 2 a.m. I was in bed and David was dealing with fussy childen. I woke at 2 and went out to check on the babies and the daddy. Babies were a little fussy and my boobs hurt, so I fed them and sent daddy to bed. A quick diaper change and they were back in their car seats. I fell asleep on the couch next to them.

The babies woke me at 6. Another feeding and changes and back in their car seats. I woke them at 9 to eat again and officially start the day.

They slept, we slept, we all slept. Amen.

In other news - I decided to try going without dairy to see if it would help Kendal's tummy (stop her screaming). So no dairy for me today...we'll see how the night goes. So far, she ate at 6 - played until 7:30 - was put in her crib awake and swaddled and finally dozed off about 8:30. But she didn't fuss very much!!

The babies are due to eat at 9 (pumping while I type this) -- we've been giving them bottles more often -- and then it will be back to David taking the "early" shift while I sleep.

God help us all next week when I am back at work, David at school, etc.

sleep

2011-11-27T00:12:00.001-06:00

Who sleeps? Not me!

I'm about to break a Babywise rule and put the babies to sleep in a bouncer and swing.

I'm desperate for them to sleep. Here's how our night has gone:

7:30 feed. Kendal falls asleep in crib. Will wide awake.
9:00 fussy / feed both. Lay in crib.
10:00 they are both asleep
11:00 both awake and screaming
11:00 feed them
12:00 put Will in the swing; Kendal in the bouncer
2:40 Kendal awake and crying. I'm feeding her without waking Will. We'll see how this bites me later.

Quick update: I put Kendal in her car seat to sleep. It's okay. You can judge me. We all slept until 5:45. I fed both babies and they slept until 8:30. Will was ready to start the day. So I fed them again and we did start the day. In fact, I took them BY MYSELF to Buy Buy Baby to pick up some things. It was a big achievement!

Since, they ate at 12 and played (stayed awake) until 1. Kendal went in her crib and is sleeping. Will is fussy and in his swing watching the world go by. But bless his heart - he'll sleep tonight :)

the twins at 6+ weeks

2011-11-26T19:49:00.001-06:00

Haven't seen em in awhile?

Here they are!!

it's been a long/short couple a days

2011-11-26T19:13:00.001-06:00

After 2 decent sleeping nights, it seems Miss Kendal doesn't believe in sleeping when the sun goes down. And it's not that she just lays quietly, not wanting to sleep. SHE SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER.

Last night the babies ate at 9:30, and were laid down shortly after 10. She started screaming soon after and David went to rock her. We wanted to get her back to "calm," not necessarily rock her to sleep.

He rocked her until after 12 when I was awoken. She was still screaming and he needed a shift break.

She fell asleep in my arms, in the rocker soon after that. We slept until 3:45 when Will started stirring. He had sleep for 6+ hours. Bless his heart.

I fed both of the babies and they slept until 6:30.

I didn't blog about it, but Kendal did nearly the same thing the night before. So what gives?

We're trying something new tonight. They'll eat in a few minutes (7:30) and instead of waking them for a feeding at 10:30 (last of the night) we're going to leave them at 7:30. I guess we'll see how it goes!!

And....babies fussing. Time to get pjs on and start feeding!

Any other thoughts moms? I'm not talking about fussing -- this little girl screams. We've tried leaving the low light on. I've tried white noise in the room...Her diaper is clean, she's fed, no known pains or injuries.....

on a schedule day 5

2011-11-23T22:37:00.001-06:00

Well. I went to bed at 11 p.m. last night, after putting two awake babies in their cribs. Will did not fuss. Kendal cried hard for 14 minutes and then fell asleep. I was just awoken by two babies. It's 2:04 -- four hours since the start of their last feeding.

And so, I'm feeding and blogging. Not bad!! 3 hours of sleep!!

To update further: I think yesterday was day 5...surprise!! I can't remember!

We're working really hard to stick to the every three hour eating, but more importantly - working to keep the twins awake after they eat--forcing them to learn what day vs. night is.

Our last feeding Tuesday night was 8:30. Kendal went down at 9:10 - cried for about 10 minutes and fell asleep.

Will ate a little longer; went down at 9:30, and slept until 1:30 (I woke him because Kendal had been awake since 1.)

Then it was back to sleep until 4 for Kendal. I rocked her to sleep until 5 when Will woke. We then started our day and fed:

5:30, 9:00, 1:00 (I stretched them due to the day's plans) 4:00, 7:00, 10:00.

So - not too shabby!! I'm proud of all of us!

They'll finish this feeding, be changed and put in their cribs. The goal is to make it until at least 6 a.m.

Quick update! The twins both fell right asleep and made it until 5:50. Her dad got up, changed a poopy diaper and kept her content until 6:30 when Will woke up. And now they're both eating.

getting on a schedule - day 3

2011-11-21T20:02:00.001-06:00

Realizing I haven't shared the first 2 days of "getting on a schedule," I'm jumping in on day 3 and sharing the happenings.

Since my sister had success with the Babywise technique, I read the book while pregnant and planned to implement it with the twins. God help me if we didn't have a routine or "schedule" with two babies.

Because the twins were five weeks early and needed to eat every 2-3 hours all day and all night, we knew that we wouldn't be trying to stick to the plan from birth. Like many parents, I'm sure, the first several weeks were about not killing ourselves. Survival.

Once the babies were five weeks old - and having gained a ton of weight - we feel comfortable letting them sleep through a feeding (THANK GOD). So we decided now's the time to implement the schedule.

This means, the babies eat every 3 hours during the day, following this routine: EAT, PLAY, SLEEP. Obviously six week old babies don't really play, but the point is to give them awake, alert time. Start to teach them what "day" is versus night.

Then, you let them go as long as possible at night. And you pray that it is longer than two hours.

Last night we fed the babies at 9:45. This was to be their last feeding of the night. At 11:00 they were still screaming their heads off (second night in a row of this). David went to console Kendal and ended up asleep in the rocker with her. Around 1:00 Will starting screaming and I ended up asleep with him on the couch. At 3:45 I woke up extremely engorged and decided to wake the babies to feed them. (Not sure if I should have done that or just pumped it off, since the babies were still asleep.) So....they went six hours -- skipped one feeding -- but did so by being held while they slept. I'm marking it a half win half loss since we all slept, but none of us were in our beds where we belong.

Today, the babies ate every three hours - like clockwork. I have to say I'm already noticing that they are eating more heartily - usually waking 15-20 minutes before it's time and "ready" to eat. It is tough to keep them awake after eating, but thankfully David is very strict about following the rules and keeps them up.

They're due to eat at 10 (we're also trying new bottles/nipples. God help us. (That's a whole nother post I need to write) - at which time I will pump and pray that they sleep for at least 5 hours. Okay. Even 4 hours. Our first "official" feeding of tomorrow will be at 5:30 a.m. when we start the day (that's part of the plan - an official start time).

We'll see you on the other side.

when will my pants fit again?

2011-11-21T17:36:00.001-06:00

Carrying the twins I gained 55 pounds.

I started at 125 pounds, and on the day I delivered weighed 180. There I said it.

Leaving the hospital I looked like this - and honestly felt pretty good about myself.

I have no idea what I weighed that day. And didn't know until the twins' two-week appointment when I weighed myself. I weighed 148 pounds that day.

Of course I am taking it pretty easy these days - healing from my c-section. And in full disclosure, haven't exercised at all since the doctor told me to take it easy due to my cyst. Let's see when was that? Oh yeah, March 18. All I have been doing is eating lots of calories - protein packed (mostly Reese's peanut butter cups) and breast feeding. Last week, when at the doctor regarding my hives, I weighed 140 pounds.

I'm guessing some people are hating me right now. I have done nothing of effort and have lost 40 of my 55 pounds. I know. Hate away. Really. I would too.

So what is this pity party about? Well, I'm two weeks away from going back to work. And while I'm perfectly content fitting into my sweat pants here at home, I am really not looking forward to rocking my maternity pants at work. As people warned me at week 13 - I'm over the elastic waisted pants.

I tried on my size 8s the other day. They don't fit. They're tight in the legs and definitely don't zip. Do I buy more pants? I have no motivation to work out. I mean ZERO. How would someone getting three to four hours of sleep find the motivation to work out? Is the answer maternity pants for the forseeable future?

On a related note, my wedding ring hasn't fit since--oh I don't know--week 20! I would love to wear that diamond again. What's your vote--resize it or wait it out?

afraid of the dark?

2011-11-19T03:51:00.001-06:00

Who thinks a 5-week-old could be afraid of the dark?

Anyone?

Here's the thing, Kendal naps without issue all day. But at night, as soon as we lay her down she cries. Turn the light back on and step in her room. Silence. Walk out of the room/turn off the light. Screaming.

Thoughts?

5.5 week old babies

2011-11-18T18:09:00.001-06:00

I promise to go back and post photos of the twins as official newborns. But these photos from today are too cute not to share immediately.

now's not the time for comparisons

2011-11-18T17:01:00.001-06:00

This week at Lactation Support Group, I was surprised and initially disappointed to see that Kendal gained 15 ounces since last week and Will only gained 6. The two weeks prior, both babies had gained 14/15 ounces. They were "even."

Immediately my mind started racing to figure out why she gained twice as much weight as he did. Did he need to be motivated to eat longer, was he not eating heartily enough when he was eating, was he not getting enough hind milk?

I felt like he was behind.

The lactation consultant was quick to remind me that she was actually gaining more weight than average - that he wasn't BEHIND. OK. Deep breath. Put your boob away.

This is time number 2 that I have caught myself comparing the twins. Well, I compare them all the time, but the second time blatantly comparing and almost judging them. The first time was during the first few weeks when Will wasn't latching on as well as Kendal.

I know that every parent with more than one child probably compares them. You don't mean to, it's just that you remember your first child did x, y, and z like this or that. So when it's different with the second child, you notice. You may even feel that one child is underachieving, you even try to "solve" the situation or figure out how to get the second child to "catch up."

I think that for me having two newborns, with the goal of reaching all of the same milestones "on time," exasperates the comparisons. I don't have two kids learning to hold their head up several years apart. I have two kids both working to do that right now. So if one is able to do it by two months of age and the other does not I have to be careful not to be discouraged. They're not going to eat solids, roll over, start walking or say their first word all on the same days. And when that doesn't happen I can't think that one child is "behind" or "slow" or that there's a problem. I have to be encouraged to keep working with both of the babies and help them both be overachievers (just like their mom).

What about you? Have you compared your kids to each other? How have you dealt with it?

milking it

2011-11-14T22:52:00.001-06:00

As I mentioned last week, pumping has been a part of every feeding with the twins. Starting immediately at birth in the hospital, I nursed the babies and then pumped. I think the lactation consultant wanted to help stimulate my milk to come in and also stimulate volume/production.

And so, 8-10 times a day, I nurse the babies and then pump. The result - dozens of bags of milk in the freezer. Perfect for going back to work. At about the three week mark I "rewarded" myself by skipping the pumping session at 2 a.m. I know, I know, I'm such a spoiler.

Everything was flowing along just fine until last Wednesday when, while feeding the twins, I noticed that they were choking. Off the nipple milk was F-L-Y-I-N-G. I mean literally picture a baby laying next to your boob and your nipple spraying them with milk. Both Will and Kendal would finish eating/choking/drowning and would be drenched.

Apparently my milk production had kicked into overdrive.

I called the lactation consultant. She called me back while we were eating at our favorite local Mexican restaurant. And the conversation went like this:

Me: My flow seems to be much higher all of a sudden today and it's like the babies can't keep up. They're choking and drowning under it.

Her: Are you still pumping and feeding them?

Me: Yes, feed and pump almost every time.

Her: And how much are you pumping?

Me: 8-10 ounces.

Her: 8-10 ounces? AFTER you feed them? Multiple times per day?

Me: Yes.

Her: You're making enough milk for at least four babies! Your production is WAY TOO HIGH. Wow. You're making a lot of milk. You need to stop pumping! You need to under stimulate and get your supply lower so the babies can eat.

So, as long as I want the babies to actually nurse, I won't pump. If I just want to bottle feed them, or if I need to skip a feeding then I'll pump. This means no more "extra" bagging of milk, but it also means they can actually keep up and eat. Which is important, I guess :)

Oh caption, my caption

2011-11-14T15:45:00.001-06:00

I've spent the last five weeks trying to capture cute pictures of the twins. The original goal was to take a photo of them together for their birth announcements; I found all kinds of inspiration for photos I could take.

Well, I still haven't found the "perfect picture" and so, the announcements have yet to be ordered. Here's a glimpse into one night after baths. The twins' outfits completely clash, so I would never use these pictures for anything "official" anyway, but they are good for a laugh.

And feel free to leave a comment with your caption for each photo :)

I know, it's just gas

2011-11-14T14:44:00.001-06:00

We had our first "rough" night last night. I put "rough" in parentheses because it was a couple hours of crying babies. It was the first time they cried like that. And I know it won't be the last. Or the worst "rough" night we have.

When I finally fell asleep, I woke up 3 hours later with Kendal on my chest and some ENGORGED boobs. (Note to self - I need to write a post about my breast milk. I don't want you missing out on the blow-by-blow action of my boobs.) I was EXHAUSTED, but the three hours of solid sleep felt, AMAZE.

After feeding mes enfants, a quick shower (bliss) and a visit from good girl friends, then one more feeding, I sat for a minute with the babes. Gotta eat up all of this time I have with them.

Both Kendal and Will were alert and cuter than ever. And it is these moments God gives us that keep us going when we don't know how we can keep our eyes open or handle one more second of screaming.

Am I right, moms?

Feeding twins

2011-11-08T04:22:00.002-06:00

Wondering how feeding twins actually happens? Yeah, I did too. Before I had the twins, I was often asked if I was going to breastfeed. My answer was always "that's the plan." In truth, I had no idea how breastfeeding one baby would go for me, much less two. And so, my expectation was to try. I thought if I set myself up for nothing, anything I could do would be a success. (If you know me, you know that anything other than succeeding is just not an option.)

David and I read a bit and talked a bunch about how we would actually handle the logistics of feeding two babies. We came up with the following options:
1. breastfeed both babies simultaneously
2. breastfeed one baby and at the same time bottle feed the other
3. bottle feed both babies (hopefully with breastmilk)
4. bottle feed both babies formula

In the end, the most important factor was that we (I) had to be able to feed them both at the same time. This not only meant we had to figure out how to physically feed them at the same time, but we had to get both babies on the same schedule so that they would want to eat at the same time. Why such a big deal? Well, because otherwise we would feed one baby, feed the other and then it would (nearly) be time to feed the first baby again. And there go all your days and nights.

So, the babies were born 5 weeks early. In the hospital, Will was brought to me while I was still in recovery from my c-section so that he could latch on. Kendal had the same opportunity later that night since she was hanging out in the NICU. The babies latched well, I pumped to stimulate milk production and the babies were supplemented with formula.

While the majority of babies only need the colostrum, the twins were supplemented by the pediatrician because of their small size. The desire was to start bulking them up right away. The logistics of supplementing was a little tricky -- a syringe with a tiny tube was put in their mouth with my nipple. The babies were motivated to keep sucking my nipple because they were rewarded with formula.

Once home we continued the syringe + boob shenanigans. FINALLY, five days after birth my milk came in. We no longer needed the formula supplementation - it was time to master breastfeeding.

Our struggle from day one was keeping Will awake to eat. He would eat for a few minutes and crash. We did everything we could think of to keep him uncomfortable and awake. If he didn't eat I would shove a bottle of breastmilk in his mouth (they had learned to bottle feed in the hospital.) The result though, was that he wasn't learning to latch on well and eat well.

At two weeks old we sat down with the twin nursing pillow and jumped in. The twins latched on immediately and I thought, "alright. Here we go. This is my life now - two boobs hanging out with two babies attached." But this was short-lived. Will continued to struggle latching on. So we continued "supplementing" him with a bottle of breastmilk.

One part of me was fine with him feeding from a bottle--afterall, that's what he'll get when I'm back to work in four weeks. But what it meant was they weren't eating at the same time if there wasn't someone else here to feed him. (In fairness, I did breastfeed her and bottlefeed him at the same time twice, but it's a LOT of work for two hands.) I also felt like he and I were missing something because I was always feeding Kendal and rarely feeding him (David fed him his bottle).

My other struggle was the unknown aspect of breastfeeding. How much were the babies eating? How much should they be eating? What was/is the right volume, length of feeding, time between feedings? I struggled to feel confident with what was happening at the boob. Kendal latched on, ate for awhile and in a few hours cried and did it all over again. Will would eat for a few minutes and fall asleep - and that was only IF he latched on. In many ways it felt like he was getting worse at eating at the boob. Their doctor encouraged me to feed him with the bottle if that was getting him the calories - but to still try to nurse him at least once a day. Her belief was that he would mature a bit more and be a better eater.

At the end of week two I announced that I wanted to go to the Lactation Support Group at the hospital to see if they could help with Will's eating and also answer my questions. Our first visit was last week - the babies were 3 weeks old. Of course Will latched on immediately, but he still had a short feeding (10 minutes). What I learned was this:

My doctor wants the babies to eat at least every three hours, since they still have weight to catch up and gain. So, we pull out all the tactics we know and wake them to eat. They eat for 10 to 30 minutes. I don't stress about the time anymore because it seems they have some "better" and some "not as good" feedings every day. We don't need to punch a clock. And I can worry less about how long/how much they're eating because thanks to the Support Group I can weigh them weekly, and I know they're both gaining a great amount of weight.

So - to answer the question I started with, how does feeding twins actually happen?

Well. Usually one baby decides he/she is ready to eat. Then I wake up the other baby (because of course, they eat at the same time). I sit down with my nursing pillow and put a baby on each side (they switch sides for each feeding). Kendal latches immediately while Will usually looks around and thinks about what he wants to do. Both babies eat for a bit and once the decide they're done, they burp, and may eat a bit more. They are then set aside (which sounds terrible, but it's true). This is their time to fill their diapers while I pump.

And that's it folks.

Someday I'll sleep again

2011-11-07T05:59:00.000-06:00

You may or may not know that the twinsies made their arrival into the world October 11 (hence I've "gone dark" on the blog. There's no energy for writing even a few words!) Since then it's been all boobs and poopy diapers for me.

The first few weeks have been....interesting. It's taken every ounce of energy I have to learn how to nurse two babies simultaneously, sleep in 1.5 hour increments and completely surrender any care I have for what my house looks like.

I'll definitely go back and document their birth (when I'm not in the middle of nursing and thus typing with one hand). In the meantime, though, I thought it would be interesting to start posting during one of their night feedings and share the latest challenge or victory we're facing as new parents to twins.

Today's challenge: my hives / rash are / is back. You read that right. And they may even be worse than before. The doctor's ran a bunch more tests and really think it's still caused by the pregnancy hormones and that it may be several more weeks before they're reduced enough in my body for the rash to resolve. It's literally like I'm allergic to pregnancy hormones. Raise your hand if you knew this was even possible. No one?? Yeah, me neither. So I'm sitting here nursing two babies and scratching my arm off. And PRAYING that this goes away soon!!!

Tell me - what am I missing in the real world? I feel a bit out of touch!

35 weeks and counting

2011-10-10T20:15:00.003-05:00

Praise God we've made it to 35 weeks. It's been quite the ride!

I have to say, overall, I have really enjoyed being pregnant - although the last few weeks of itching have been pretty miserable. The babies continue to be closely monitored - we know it won't be long before they choose to have them delivered.

Without further delay, though - here's the belly! 35 weeks; 2 babies.

5 whole years

2011-10-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

Five years ago I was just finishing having my hair done and David was rushing off the lake to meet me at the church and say I do. We've come a long way over those 1825 days - including just a few highlights:

We bought a crazy cool boat
I got my first pair of cowboy boots
We visited friends and took a trip to Hawaii!!
David did his first triathlon
We bought our house
Dash joined our family
I finished my first triathlon (and apparently never blogged about it)
Our nephew, Soren, was born
We adopted Daisy

And that brings us to this year, which has been full of SO MUCH!

Tonight, we're headed back to the site where it began 5 years ago - the Cotton Exchange.

Here's a peek at us from Oct. 7, 2006.

babies moving

2011-10-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

It's not the best video (I think the camera is too close to my belly to focus well), but right after the 1:00 mark you can see some of the crazy moving that is the twinsies.

I am going to keep trying to capture video of this. I know I'll miss it once they're in our arms.

how amazing

2011-10-06T10:45:00.000-05:00

I can't not share this with you. My dear soul-sister Amy sent me this video this morning. Lord KNOWS I'm not doing anything as physically cool as this girl. But maybe I am. I'm growing these babies. I can feel them moving right now. And wow is it amazing. And while I'm physically exhausted and ready to meet them, I love having them in me. I often sit here watching my belly roll around and wonder what they're thinking about. I wish I could just bottle this feeling in my belly and have it for the times in the future that I'll want to come back to this place (you know, maybe in the middle of a twin tantrum :) )

We're getting close to meeting these babies. Whoa.

No one said this would be easy

2011-10-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

As you know from last week, I've been Itchy. Yes. Itchy with a capital "I." Which could easily be confused with the similar-sounding word that starts with a "B." I understand.

Although I could get into details, I will spare you the pictures of my hives. Yes, I have photographed them, and no, I don't know why. They seem to mostly love my hands, arms, feet and legs. With a lesser intensity on my belly.

On Friday I got the bloodwork back that was to tell me if I had cholestasis. The bloodwork was negative, but there's obviously still something going on. So, Dr. L. referred me to a perinatologist. "In case I'm missing something." Later on Friday the peri office called and scheduled me for this coming Friday. NO way was that soon enough in my eyes, but that's what I got. A couple hours later they called back and added me to the schedule yesterday.

Here's what we learned:

1. I still have two babies in me.
2. They are about 5 pounds each.
3. They are really smushed in there, but my amniotic fluid levels appear healthy and appropriate.
4. Also, the peri told me that I would itch less if I stopped itching myself (genius).

Regardless of what the bloodwork said, he believes that I have cholestasis. This means they'll need to monitor the babies and pretty closely (every few days) to see if the situation has worsened. We don't want to take the babies out too early so they have as long as possible to develop. But, keeping them in is a risk to them.

Yesterday was an emotional day. I, of course, want them to stay in as long as possible so they can develop, but understand they will be ok out in the world. Part of me feels like I failed because I am not going to get them to 37 weeks. Part of me is just plain freaked out that it's "the end." Part of me is nervous about the major surgery I'm having very soon.

I've learned that pregnancy is as much a mental game as it is a physical one. Every time I get in the car I am literally telling my body, "pick your leg up a little bit more so you can get in the car." I say the same thing each of the eight times at night that I get up off the couch to get a new ice pack, go to the bathroom and lay in a new position. I'm starting to imagine that parenting will be the same. Yes, it will be physically exhausting - but also, largely a mental challenge. Am I right parents?

Oh - in my itch-desperation over the weekend I actually got online to poke around and see if anyone else had found anything that would lessen the itching. I found lots of women talking about Grandpa's Pine Tar soap. So - I overnighted it and have washed with it twice. It seems like *maybe* my legs are a little less itchy. Definitely not more.

David and I really just can't wait to meet these babies. One hour of each day at a time and we'll be there soon! Thanks for everyone's continued prayers and well-wishes!

yep. still itching.

2011-09-29T20:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm still waiting for the bloodwork to come back. Not that I want to have this liver issue...I just want answers. Last night, though, my itching turned to hives. It just seems like there's something inside me that needs to get out - and NO I'm not talking about the babies.

[time out while I get another pint of Ben & Jerry's out of the freezer]

I called the doctor this morning and he spoke with a specialist who decided:
1. I would start taking the medication used for the liver issue (no risks to worry about)
2. I needed to have more blood drawn (apparently there were a few other things they wanted to triple check and rule out)

So that's that. I continue to itch like crazy. I haven't noticed a difference with either of the medications. My next scheduled appointment with my OB is Tuesday. And I'll be 34 weeks on Saturday.

God is good - I know that. I just need to get through the next 30 days one hour at a time and we'll be staring at our beautiful babies!

Lovely liver

2011-09-28T13:09:00.000-05:00

A week ago Sunday Ifelt a little bump on the bottom of my tummy. And upon hoisting my belly up(our only mirror in the house doesn’t even go as low as my belly button) I sawa red line.

And that was myfirst stretch mark. What happened over the last week is what might be referredto as a "red mark explosion."

David was in totaldenial of the explosion. He kept telling me, "I don't think those arestretch marks. They're really red. It looks more like a rash to me."

And it itched. And Icontinued believing that these were stretch marks. And they itched because MYSKIN IS STRETCHING. The babies are growing so fast now, and I just assumed myskin can't respond quickly enough.

It got to the pointthat I was loading myself with lotion, Watkins salve, cocoa butter ON MY ENTIREBODY several times a day, taking cool showers and sleeping with ice packs. Oneday I took a Zyrtec (which I knew was "approved" for me to take),thinking it might take some of the itch away since it does that with myeyes/nose/throat itch related to my allergies. I didn't notice a difference,and didn't take it the next day.

This past Monday atwork I LOST MY MIND. I excused myself from two meetings because I was so hot.And itchy. I put ice cubes in WALMART bags and was rubbing it over my bellymid-meeting to try to take the edge off. My feet itched. My hands itched. All Iwas trying to do was make it until Thursday when my OB appointment was alreadyscheduled, but by Monday night I knew that wasn't happening.

Yesterday I calledmy OB who wanted me to come in right away. I knew from my own Googling and atip from bestie Jaime, that a rare liver issue could be the cause of this itch- intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy.Since <1% of pregnants end up with this, I had dismissed it. But the powerof Facebook convinced me that my doctor should probably decide if this wasPUPPP or something more.

My OB got me inright away yesterday and decided my stretch marks couldbe the PUPPP rash, but he wasn't convinced. And since my itch is not containedto an area, but instead has taken over my whole body, he wanted to be safe andtest for cholestasis.

Hence, I was thewinner of a blood draw, some oral anti-itch meds (which knocked me out - FINEBY ME - but didn't really take the itch away) and hydrocortisone cream (whichalso didn't really relieve anything).

I also ate a pint ofBen & Jerry's last night, which, if nothing else, lowered my internal bodytemperature and tasted GREAT.

In a few days we'llknow if it's my liver, or just an itch. If it is elevated bile acid levels,there's a potential that this could affect the babies' living conditions. I'llsee a perinatologist who gets to decide if I can make it a little longer or if thebabies need to come out.

First though - wewait for the blood work and I try not to scratch my skin off. No need to worryeveryone. Remember - it's time to think positively and make it one day at atime.

Baby girl has the hiccups

2011-09-27T10:58:00.000-05:00

I've spent SO much brain space lately worrying about all kinds of things -- both that I can and can't control. And finally last night I just broke down.

As I was laying down on the couch to go to sleep (I tried my bed again Saturday night and lasted 1.5 hours), I COULD NOT get comfortable. After my third trip to the bathroom (rolling from side to side gives me a contraction and makes me have to go) I sat back down on the couch and just started crying.

David came over to ask what was wrong (he was in our room). And then it just flooded out.

"I'm hot. And uncomfortable. And itchy. And I have so many more weeks and it just won't stop. And then our lives will be totally different. We'll be so tired. And our house will be a mess. And I'm going to weigh 200 pounds by the time these babies come. There's nothing attractive about me. I know the babies need more time, but I am tired."

David assured me that everything will be fine. That I need to just rest and stop thinking about chores around the house. And that the bigger the babies get, the better. And that I am doing a great job.

And I laid back down to try to sleep and realized. Yes. We are going to be sleep-deprived and have a dirty house. And I have to stop caring about what others might think when they come over and see how dirty it is. (You're going to see dog hair people. You just are.) I just have to think about how much love I have for these babies. And yes, I'll make some wrong turns along the way, but that's ok too. The possible outcomes for the twins aren't: "be perfect or have children who become criminals." (Don’t think that hasn't crossed my mind :) )

So, aside from the itching that has me EXTREMELY crabby, I'm ready to be positive. Ready to stop worrying about the next few weeks, my c-section (I am however going to ask my doctor how they make sure they don't cut a baby when they cut into your uterus.) , how we'll get by dealing with unexplainable crying, spitting up, not sleeping, neglecting the dogs and a messy house (because those are the only things that could possibly go wrong), and how to make sure our kids grow up to be caring, responsible adults (and not screw them up).

I'm going to enjoy every minute of feeling these babies move - I know I'm going to miss that. I'm going to talk to them more, dream about them more, relish in these moments that God gave me to carry them. Like right now, while I watch my belly bounce from baby girl's hiccups.

itching

2011-09-23T15:46:00.000-05:00

My to do list of things to do before the babies arrive keeps growing (write in their baby books, sterilize bottles, figure out how to use my breast pump, fill out short-term-disability paperwork, PACK MY HOSPITAL BAG), but I just keep ignoring it. I think I'm just mentally stalled.

I don't know how to actually mentally prepare for the babies to be here. I don't think I have processed that in five weeks I will have two babies to care for. What if I am horrible at it? Or not motherly enough?

There, I said it.

It has not sunk in that these babies have to come out of me and then I have to take care of them. What if I don't "have the knack?" I've read some books - but will I remember how many wet diapers they're supposed to have, how to properly latch them on to me, what temperature is high enough that it's time to call the doctor? I don't even know the answers to those things now! And I just read the books!

How do I not totally freak out as I go in for my c-section (I'm hysterical thinking about abdominal surgery)? What if it's hours before they let me breast feed for the first time?

What are signs that I might need to try a different bottle or formula or diaper? How strict should I be with getting them on the same schedule? Should I really wake up the baby who's still sleeping after 3 hours when the other is ready to eat?

How do I get over the pile of dirty dishes that will inevitably never leave the counter?

How do I deal with feeling cheated when I have to go back to work and David stays home with them?

What if I don't like their names after we name them?

And the one thing in the forefront of my mind: What do I need to do to make my entire body stop itching?? It started with one stretch mark last weekend on the bottom of my belly. And now there are several. And they itch. But it's bigger than that. My feet itch ALL day. And my hands, arms, legs, back and STOMACH. I've been putting cold packs on my belly to help constrict blood vessels. And it does help. I even stuck my head in the freezer at work today. No amount of lotion on my skin makes the feeling go away. I am losing my mind!!

Help me out moms. What do you know now about those final weeks "pre-baby" that you wish you could have told yourself at the time? How do I calm my nerves so that I can actually enjoy these last few days with David, Dash and Daisy?

the big reveal!!

2011-09-21T10:33:00.002-05:00

Even if we're not totally emotionally or physically ready for the twinsies, their room is!!
I'm so excited to share it with you - and so thankful to David for doing nearly E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G in this room.

Just a note - I can't make the pics any bigger because the break the page of the blog. Just click on them to expand - so you can get full effect :)

Aside from all the stuff in the room, here's what we changed structurally:

New flooring
New use for the existing closet
Cut out and drywalled in a new closet
Added a ceiling fan (previously no ceiling light)
Replaced and updated all electrical outlet boxes
Baseboard trim

Here's the run down:

So much to talk about in this shot. David installed the ceiling fan (previously no ceiling lighting in this room); my curtains are hung; the 3rd and finally not broken moose head is up + art that I found on Etsy (this and this) + a moose crossing sign that David found online and just had to have!; the rocker/recliner is a gift from David's family; I found the ABC print at Target on clearance; the blue table and red dresser are from IKEA (I love them); the blankets on the chair are from my friend Sus; we picked up that little plant last weekend to add some "life" to the room; and the sound machine on the table is from my bestie Jaime (not it's permanent location).

Here's another shot of that side of the room. We attached a changing pad to the dresser and I made mobiles for the babies. Love.

This is baby boy's crib (with a few random things in it. Don't worry, I know it all needs to come out when the baby goes in.)

Around to the other side of the room is baby girl's crib (in the old closet :) ); the new closet that David created (technically it still needs a curtain. I'm lazy.) We picked up the storage cubes at Target.

Without realizing it, this is the best shot of the nursery floor. So I'm showin' it to ya. Plus, the trim that David painted, cut and installed.

Pardon the flash on this. David and I LOVE the moose hiding in the tall grass.

The rest of the "moose corner" of the room.

And here's a sneak peek at their dresser. This is everything they have newborn to three months. It's so organized. I'm sure it won't be like that for long :)

We have a few more things on our "sometime" list. Things like: the closet curtain, shelves that David is making for one corner of the room, a growth chart to hang on the wall, maternity photos to hang, and we're saving a LITTLE space to hang pictures of the actually babies!

We love this room so much. It's added a whole little corner to the house that was previously an ugly room that we never opened (not just because it was ugly, but also because it was a mess.) In case you're wondering what this room looked like before...Here's the only shot I can seem to find. This is the room right when we moved in. All we changed until now was the pile of stuff that was in it...(note the shag carpet. It was in our bedroom too. Love.)

And while I was digging up that photo I found this one of David from December 2008. So young...

ah the amusement

2011-09-20T09:37:00.001-05:00

I've started and stopped this post twice. But with yesterday's events to add to it, I just can't NOT write it. So here goes....

As I get bigger I become more and more of a spectacle in public. People see me coming from MILES I swear and then they comment.

I hear anything from:

"you look ready to pop" "your due date must be soon" "how many babies are you having?" "are you having a boy or girl?" "is this your first baby?" "how many weeks do you have left?" to "you must be so excited" "enjoy your babies" "congratulations!"

It used to be that if I told people the truthful answers to their questions the conversation was sparked and the end was no where in sight. Not that this is HORRIBLE, but usually I'm in store, just trying to purchase something and my patience is short for this kind of conversation. It could go something like this:

Stranger: "You must be close, when's your due date?"
Me: "Oh I'm due in November"
Stranger: "Really? You look further along than that (read: big)."
Me: "I'm having twins so I'm a little bigger than average."
Stranger: "Twins!!? Oh my neighbor's second cousin had twins. Two boys. They came 10 weeks early and had blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and then they came home and now they play soccer and they have a little sister. Do you know what you're going to name them?"

And so, over the last few months, I've learned to skirt the issues. Which David says is rude. That I should be excited that other people are excited for us. And I am. And I am so thankful. I just don't have much patience for listening to strangers talking to me about the twins in their life. It sounds terrible. I know. But that's the truth.

So, I've learned to cut conversations off as quickly as I can. Which again, David says is rude.

"Are you excited about your baby?" Answer: "Yes." the end.
No need to explain I'm carrying two or start on that train.

Which brings me to yesterday. Michaela and I were at the mall - the food court specifically. I approach the counter and the cashier says "I bet you have a girl."

Response: "You're right"
Cashier: "Oh I just knew it. That's so wonderful."
Me: "Thank you, yes, I'm very excited."
Michaela: "Tell her the rest of it"
Me (Thinking): why? why?
Michaela: "She's having twins, a boy also."
Cashier: "Oh my goodness! That's so exciting! A boy AND a girl. You are so lucky! Are these your only babies? What are you going to name them?"
Me: "Yes we're very excited. And these are my only kids"
Stranger standing at the counter: "You're having twins? A boy and a girl? How wonderful! And now you can be done having children!"
Cashier: "How many more weeks do you have left?"
Me: "6"
Cashier: "4. Wow, well you can't go into labor here. I don't know how to deliver babies, but we'd get you to the hospital on time."
Me: I finally ordered my food.
Cashier: "Well you need to bring those babies back here. I want to see them!"

Mmmhmm. That really happened.
And Michaela laughed.

And then, a little while later I walked to the bathroom. The girl handing out samples of pizza saw me coming.

Pizza girl: "Hi ma'am"
Me: "Hi"
PG: "You look ready to pop"
Me: "Almost"
PG: "Just one in there?"
Me: "Yep" as I try to walk past her
PG: Holding out her samples "Would you like to try a twin? I mean a sample?"
Me: "No thank you"

Yep. That happened too. And I know. People mean well. They don't mean to say that you're huge. Or that you're having a boy and a girl and therefore have met your kid quota and won't have any more kids. And it is funny. It really is.

It got me thinking. If I'm this much of a spectacle now, what will people be like when we're out with the twinsies? And I only have two kids. Imagine the social interactions that my friend Colleen with triplets endures...and everyone else with multiples. I've never really thought about it before. I don't think I have been that intrigued with other's kids...is it me? Am I rude? Do I need to engage more? Or, does none of it really matter and I'm doing just fine? :)

I got my first stretch mark

2011-09-19T13:46:00.003-05:00

damn it.

the final stretch

2011-09-19T10:21:00.000-05:00

We are almost to the part of the adventure where we meet the babies.

Holy shit.

I'm at the most 6 weeks away from the day where the twins are born, we give them their names and then we start raising these amazing kids (because they will be nothing short of amazing, obviously).

While half of me wants to fast-forward to their birth day, the other half of me says "whoa whoa whoa. totally not ready to figure out breast feeding, never sleep again, having to be responsible and make real meals for them to eat, teach them social studies facts, basic algebra, work on science experiments, build dioramas." Yeah, not ready for all of that.

I am ready to snuggle with them, and figure out the rest of it one day at a time.

Won't it be wonderful?

Here's a quick update regarding my list of things to do before the babies come:

· ~~Put their cribs together~~

· ~~Wash their clothes~~

· ~~Set up their changing station (on top of the dresser)~~

· ~~Buy achanging pad~~

· ~~Make and hang curtains~~

· ~~Buy and install blinds~~

· ~~Make and hang mobiles above the crib~~

· ~~Install closet rod and whatever else we'll put in the closetfor storage~~

· ~~(whatelse do we want in the closet for storage??)~~

· Install carseats in the car

· Pack a bag for the hospital

· Things to remember to bring:

· Glasses

· Notebook

· Camera

· ~~Make plans for Dash and Daisy while we're in the hospital~~

· Type up instructions for caring for them

· Make meals and put them in the freezer

· Plan their newborn photoshoot

· ~~Purchase, write and mail thank you cards for gifts~~

· Transition all work to others at the office

In fairness, one carseat was installed…and came out thisweekend when we went out for dinner with Ron & Josie….and, transitioning myresponsibilities at work is in progress…

I should also really make sure the camera batteries arecharged, start filling in their baby books …

As we close in on "the end," I have to remember "the beginning." I'm asked a fair amount about my fertility story - so I'll include the links to it here. I hate that any of us have to struggle - but we can journey together. God is so good.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

belly photos

2011-09-18T14:40:00.001-05:00

Before I was pregnant I assumed that once I was, I would document the heck out of my pregnancy. And, now that I am, I'm really not keeping up well. David and I take photos of my ever-growing size every six weeks or so...Most weekends I tell David we need to take our photos and then Sunday evening comes, I'm in sweats and have already washed my face, and another week goes by without documentation.

Back in July - at 25 weeks - a friend helped me with some "official" maternity photos. And it took me until today, 7 weeks later, to give them a hint of retouching so they're ready to be seen. (When I say a hint of retouching, I mean it. The boobs are still saggin, you'll see.) Here's the four that I'm choosing between to hang in the nursery.

Thank goodness I took the photos when I did. Now I'm half again as big, completely uncoordinated and my face is getting puffy. But, despite all of that, I still don't have an ass. (One thing I will ask God about someday.) (And super special thanks to Heels aka "Stephanie" for my gorgeous hairdo.)

Thoughts? Which one should I put up in the babies room? Don't worry, nothing poster size.

week 31 belly

2011-09-14T08:32:00.001-05:00

The babies and I have made it 31 weeks!
It's definitely getting harder by the day, but we're going to make it!

and yes yes yes, I do know that my face is getting swollen. and I look tired. but. I am upright!

Interim nursery update

2011-09-13T20:10:00.000-05:00

There are A FEW more things to perfect, but I can't delay sharing these photos any longer. So, check out the nursery!!

Baby girl's crib and mobile (tucked in the "nook" that used to be a closet)

The view from under baby boy's mobile.

The view from under baby girl's mobile.

The new curtains and blinds! (plus mess that needs to be dealt with)

A view of the old closet (nook) and the new closet that David made. More to come with this!!

In case you're wondering what I've been up to

2011-09-07T14:24:00.000-05:00

It's been 6 days since my last post. Oops!

I've been so busy doing nothing that it feels like there's been little to blog about.

The GREAT news is that my Friday doctor appointment showed no progression with going into labor. My cervix still measures 5+ centimeters (not thinning AT ALL) and the contractions are still at bay (I am still having lots of Braxton Hicks throughout the day). The babies looked happy where they are (No idea, just telling them that they're happy) and the doctor hopes/plans for a solid four weeks out of me.

Here's the latest plan:

1. If I go into labor before 34 weeks they will try to stop it.
2. If I go into labor after 34 weeks they will let it happen. HOWEVER, as of now, both babies are transverse. Both babies' heads are on my right side (if you look at my belly I'm lop-sided). (oh and as a side note, when measuring my cervix, my OB pointed out a butt where someone's head should be :)

Anyway, after 34 weeks, if I went into labor it would be a quickie c-section. (and yes, if they say that they've turned, then I'm in for a vaginal delivery.)

3. If I get to 37 weeks without going into labor and the babies are still not heads down I will have a scheduled c-section.

My mental state this week is basically this: "wow, those contractions last week really hurt. I'm just going to go along for this ride and see what happens." Basically, I'm not disappointed if I have to have a c-section. I do, however, think I will be extremely disappointed if I have one baby vaginally and one via c-section. (don't laugh, it happens. And how awful would THAT be????)

So, David and I moved into the weekend with plans for relaxing and marking lots of things off our list.

I can't wait to post pictures of the progress (probably tomorrow), but here's what we did:

1. Finished and hung the nursery curtains
2. Hung the mobiles
3. Washed and put away all baby clothes, bedding, etc.
4. Shopped for the last of supplies that we know we need (things I hadn't received, but we thought we'd want, like a changing pad, a couple more spare sheets, breast pads, etc.)
5. Touched up and finished painting/installing all trim and the door of the nursery
6. Planned for, cut and painted closet shelves

I feel so accomplished! And, as I told the babies, they're so lucky to have such a handy, thoughtful dad. Wait until you see all of his hard work!!

Why bed rest sounds great, but really isn't

2011-09-01T21:21:00.000-05:00

Since Monday I've just been hanging out at home. With so much to do, you may think that sounds great, and I could have such a productive week at home. It's not. And I can't.

Allow me to shed a little light.

Bed rest for me means lounging around. Relaxing. No finishing curtains, catching up on laundry, cooking meals, doing dishes, finishing the mobiles. Nope. It means sitting/laying and relaxing. And while I'm sitting around I'm thinking about all of those things that I want to do and can't. Fail.

While I'm home and on bed rest I'm not working (I am working today, but didn't work the last 3 days). That means I'm using PTO time that I've been hoarding for my maternity leave. You know, for when the babies are here. And since David is no longer working - we have a finite amount of time that we can afford for me to be home. So, my clock's ticking. And not in a good way. Fail.

To continue my little pity party, I just want to be normal. I had a hard time conceiving (which actually is more "normal" than you probably think, but still feels "not normal"), I'm carrying twins (definitely not normal), and now I'm worried about things like taking it easy so that I don't do anything that I then worry caused me to deliver preemies. Fail.

The contractions still haven't stopped. My belly is so heavy and so hard. I have a new varicose vein that's popped out on my right leg. And it throbs. Standing at the sink earlier today I could feel my legs going numb. I feel like my body is failing me. Or I'm failing it. Or we're failing each other.

I know, I know. All that matters is that I have 2 healthy babies. Most of what happens between now and when the babies come is out of my control. What I can control is to relax. To not worry about what the nursery looks like, how many baskets of laundry are in my living room to be folded or how my boss deals with my schedule unknowns. When my legs hurt I should just stretch and tell myself I'm fine. It's not about me, it's about the babies. I know all of this, but I still feel frustrated.

As much as David tries, he just doesn't understand what this is like. He just wants me to think positively and believe that everything is going to turn out just fine. I want to do that too. I do. And in the meantime I am going to eat the ice cream he's bringing home and book a massage. And I might book one once per week until the babies come. I just might do that!

2011-08-30T20:55:00.003-05:00

my first experience with contractions

As I mentioned last week, I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the last week or so. They don't hurt, just pressure in my uterus.

Yesterday, however, I was in a meeting at work and had a lot of pain in my uterus. A few minutes later the pain intensified again (I had noticed it go away, and then it was back, raging again). I sat through several of these and then decided I should probably just lay down on the couch for a bit. I called David, who was working, to let him know.

A few minutes later I decided I wasn't relaxing at all, and so I called my doctor's office. I explained to the nurse the contractions were really hurting every few minutes and she told me to come in right away.

Thankfully, I work with my friend Michaela who got up as soon as she saw my tears and hurried me to the hospital.

In the car the contractions continued, and pain appeared in my back (lower right side). Once at the hospital they got me changed (I REALLY felt like I had to go to the bathroom), checked my vitals, I struggled through a couple more contractions and they checked my cervix. Not dilated. At all.

David arrived just a few minutes later. The nurse started an IV of fluid and David saw a few more contractions. Then I was finally able to go to the bathroom. (it's graphic. I'll leave it at that.)

Because of my back pain, the doctor also wanted to check for kidney stones. Ultrasound showed nothing and also confirmed that my placentas are both still intact, and both babies were transverse.

The nurses ran a few tests and learned:

1. I was dehydrated
2. I have a urinary tract infection (mild)
3. My fetal fibronectin test was negative (a good thing)

Every few contractions the pressure would force me out of bed (unhooking all 3 monitors), into the bathroom, and then back into bed. The nurses had quite the time chasing the babies around my belly. Several hours later, David and I had both taken several little cat naps, I had eaten lunch (a baked potato and some fruit) and 3 bags of fluid had been pumped through me.

Another check of the cervix and still no progress / early labor.

I was released with a prescription for the UTI, orders to stay home for the rest of the week and to come back if the painful contractions come back. I also have a follow up with my doctor Friday to see if I can go back to work next week.

A few notes:

1. Contractions effing hurt. A lot. And I know I didn't even have bad ones. Or maybe I did. I don't know. I just know they hurt. There is no focusing. No breathing. No relaxing.
2. I'm completely freaked out to think that these contractions are going to start again. At least once more before I have these babies.
3. David's really great. He was patient and kind and accommodating to every little thing I need. Love him. Great choice by me :)

So, today was bedrest day 1. Daytime TV sucks. I'm ready to go back to work and feel anxious thinking about everything I should be doing. But I'm going to sit here and cross my legs. Not time for the babies yet!

2011-08-29T08:13:00.010-05:00

I cried at IKEA today

(note, this actually happened Sunday, but I was too exhausted to type, so I'm capturing the story now)

As you know from my post last week, we had a dresser issue at Casa Janusz that needed to be solved. One night last week I stopped at Target to check out the Room Essentials option (the only one of the four I found online that is actually available in store.) What I found was a cheap laminate-esque dresser. Perfect for a kids room or college apartment, but not perfect for my nursery. (If I'm going to spend the money, it has to be right, otherwise we might as well keep what we have.)

And so, plans for a journey to IKEA were made in my head. I even planned to go by myself if none of my girlfriends could come along. David asked how I would load the car and I said, "Oh, someone will help me."

With an impending visit to my girl, IKEA planned, I made a list of ALL the stuff I should pick up while I'm there.

Here goes:

Dresser - of the two I IDed online, the Vallvik was my front runner. It was cheaper and I imagined the color would go well with my "supposed to be espresso, but look like cherry" cribs.
Basket to put on the dresser to hold diapers and wipes (since this will double as a changing spot)
Blinds for the nursery
Curtain rods for the nursery
Plant for the nursery
Rug for the nursery
Picture frames for the few moose things I want to hang (in the nursery)
Rocking moose (IKEA sells red rocking moose, which I knew I couldn't buy because David's parents are giving us a hand-made rocking horse, but I still wanted to see it)
Ceiling lights for our front and back hallways
Additional towel hooks for the bathroom (2 :)
A watering can for the plants at work

And here's how this trip went down. David insisted on coming along with me. He didn't want me to struggle and didn't have too much planned for the day. My immediate thought was "great, now I have to justify everything I buy to him." but my second thought was "great, he can help me with all of this stuff and we can have a nice lunch somewhere."

Upon arrival to IKEA, the entrance escalator was not working. And this place was HOPPING on a Sunday before "back to school." Shit. Hadn't thought of that. We waited our turn for the elevator and headed to the second floor. Dressers were the first (and most important stop).

Had I actually looked at the HEIGHT measurement of the Vallvik I would have known that it is short. Really short. (As a note, I had looked at the length, and knew it was comparable to what I already had at home.) The Vallvik was out from the second we found it in the sea of dressers.

So we gazed around the rest of the dressers (all more expensive) and decided we really liked the Hemnes option and we actually liked it in blue.

I had seen blue online, but really didn't think it would look right with our crappy colored cribs. After much debate, it was decided (not by me) that the dresser was too pricey ($299) and too long (about 10 inches longer than what is currently in the space. Of course, IKEA has a slightly smaller version the 3 drawer Hemnes chest, but it couldn't simply come in blue. No no, this one comes in red (or a few other colors, none of which would go with the cribs).

We stood there for a long time, wondering if the red could work for our life. We had brought along a piece of the crib (thank God) and looked at it against the red dresser in every light/shadow we could find. I, of course, thought this dresser was much too small for the twins, but finally just gave in. As I told David, "I don't love it, but I don't hate it. Let's go."

With this decision made, though, I realized we would likely have room for a little table next to the rocker/recliner, so we went back to that display and picked out this little guy, which came in blue. Who knows, we could be killing ourselves with color in this room, but it's done.

Feeling pushed around by the dresser situation we continued. Next we walked by the baskets (no room for a basket on top of this tiny dresser once the changing pad is there), browsed the shelves options (I could have picked out about 16 shelves for displays, books, etc., but without a plan for where and how these would go in the room, David wasn't playing along. We also looked at closet organization (again David didn't want to "make something work" when he could custom make something that would be perfect (and more expensive, by the way)).

We picked out two small towel hooks to add to the bathroom, looked at the rocking moose (and kept walking), looked at everything else in the kids area, picked out 2 simple lights to replace the ceiling lights in the front and back hallways (completely unnecessary since the ones from 1983 are working just fine, but for $9 each, they make me happy) and then tried to journey upstairs. Of course that escalator was out of service too, so we dodged a million people (What is it with people being COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to everyone/thing around them?) and used the elevator to head to floor 3.

Pause for more people wandering aimlessly that I nearly clipped with the cart.

Entering the living room space, we browsed throw pillows and throw blankets to put with the rocker recliner. Nothing met the approval of both people on this trip.

Walking through the sofas and chairs, David suggested we take a break and sit for a few. I declined, just wanting to keep going and get this adventure over with.

Then blinds. We found that IKEA's blinds would fit one of the nursery windows, but not the other. Great.

Curtain rods - IKEA's come in 2 standard sizes. Both way too big for our windows.

Picture frames. We needed 3. Matching. White. Sizes were: 5x7, 11x14 and 8x12. Now I will give you 8x12 as an impossible size. It is. But it's what I needed and I would even settle for something close that would require me to trim down my moose print. 5x7 we found right away. But there was NOTHING 11x14 and nothing anywhere close to the 8x12. I think this is the point where I lost it.

I scampered back to the chairs and sat down, crying. IKEA was not delivering for me. All I wanted was to find everything on my list, get it in the car and put it in the nursery.

Thank God for David, he never lost his patience, and as we headed home I got my Jamba Juice, so there were bright spots in the day. As I type, David's finishing the last of the dresser building and we're rounding the corner on the nursery. Eventually we'll have window treatments - and really, the babies will survive with a sheet on their windows if it gets to that. IKEA might be ruined for me for a little while though!

2011-08-25T12:51:00.003-05:00

irrational fears, week 28

Braxton Hicks contractions started on Saturday. I mentioned to my BF Aubrey that my stomach was REALLY tight while we were out window shopping. "Oh you're just having a contraction" she said, as she felt my stomach.

Hmm. OK. I know these can start early on in a pregnancy and then even disappear for awhile. No big deal.

The past few days I have had anywhere from 3-5 contractions, spread throughout the day. They last several minutes and feel the same (intensity) each time.

But now today, I've had 4 contractions already (it's 1:14). Again, they're not getting any more intense, but I can't help but fear that they are starting my body toward actual labor. And that is where my fear begins.

Ever since finding out we were having twins, and that preterm labor is a real concern, David and I have had 37 weeks as our goal. In fact, we say things like "the babies won't come before 37 weeks." Think it, believe it, and it will be. It's just mentally never been an option for the babies to come before that. The plan is for me to work until the day they are born. And that day would be sometime after 37 weeks. And then they (and I) will come home from the hospital and spend 8 sleepless (but loving) weeks of maternity leave together.

In my mind, having the babies earlier than that is a failure. I know that the babies are in the "safe zone." They could be born any day now and survive (after spending weeks in the NICU). And even if they are born at 35 or 36 weeks there's a good chance they would come right home. I know all of this, but yet I feel this responsibility and obligation to keep them in me until 37 weeks.

Of course there are some things I can do to relax my body and keep these contractions at bay. I need to stay off my feet as much as possible (currently sitting at my desk with my feet up on a box), stay hydrated and relax as much as I can. But that's about it as far as I know. When God says GO there won't be anything I can do about it. And somehow I need to accept that that could be tomorrow, or in 9 more weeks like I have planned.

OK moms of preemies, help me out. How did you feel going into pre-term labor? How did you deal with the worry and concern that comes from having babies early? What was your experience like in the days and weeks before you went into labor?

2011-08-23T08:28:00.014-05:00

my right to change my mind

Don't worry, I'm just talking about the furniture in the nursery! This summer I was so excited to pick up a dresser that my cousin had refinished. I thought it would be perfect with the side-by-side drawers and the low profile so that I could add a changing pad to the top. I loved that it was refinished flat black and then sanded down to look worn.

And then - in a moment of haste I ordered the twins cribs. In espresso. My thought was "they're cheap, and they're dark, they'll be fine together." Well. The cribs are redder than I ever imagined. And I failed to think through the shiny finish of them and how that would CLASH with the dresser.

So, when David moved the cribs and dresser into the nursery last night, my thought was "yep, this looks terrible." Of course my parents were quick with the "it's all functional. what does it matter, really." But it totally matters. And I can't stop obsessing about it.

David saved the day with an instantaneous reaction of "why don't you see what IKEA has and we can go get a dresser from there."

God bless him.

And so, the search begins (again).

Here's what I have found so far:

(Don't panic, I know this image is small. Just click on it to see the options larger.)

Here's a rundown of the dressers and how to find them:

Target Double dresser – chocolate: http://www.target.com/p/Double-Dresser-45-Chocolate/-/A-557797?ref=tgt_adv_xasd0001&AFID=Performics_Skimlinks&LNM=Primary

Target Mountain Lodge: http://www.target.com/p/Mountain-Lodge-6-45-Drawer-Dresser-45-Ebony/-/A-10264432

Target Room Essentials: http://www.target.com/p/Room-Essentials-174-6-Drawer-Espresso/-/A-12173908?

Target May 3 drawer dresser: http://www.target.com/p/May-3-Drawer-Dresser/-/A-12307423?

Hemnes – black/brown: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/50121250

Vallvik – black/brown: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80195862

Both of the IKEA options are in store (of course) or, they are one of few things IKEA will actually sell online (whoa!), but the shipping is CRAZY expensive. Of the Target options, only the "Room Essentials" style is sold in store.

I see a trip to Target with a piece from one of the cribs (to examine the color pairing) in my near future. My very near future. My "tomorrow night after work" future.

And yes, this also means that David won the "battle of the nursery projects" by building the cribs before my curtains are up. And I'm ok with that :)

For those keeping score, here's an update on my to do list of things to do before the babies come:

· ~~Put their cribs together~~

· Wash their clothes

· Set up their changing station (on top of the dresser)

· Buy a changing pad

· Make and hang curtains

· Buy and install blinds

· Make and hang mobiles above the crib

· Install closet rod and whatever else we'll put in the closet for storage

· (what else do we want in the closet for storage??)

· Install carseats in the car

· Pack a bag for the hospital

· Things to remember to bring:

· Glasses

· Notebook

· Camera

· Make plans for Dash and Daisy while we're in the hospital

· Type up instructions for caring for them

· Make meals and put them in the freezer

· Plan their newborn photoshoot

· ~~Purchase~~, write and mail thank you cards for gifts

· Transition all work to others at the office

2011-08-15T17:10:00.003-05:00

before the babies come

Consider this my mental (public) checklist of things that need to be done before the twins come.

Things to do before the babies come:

Put their cribs together

Wash their clothes

Set up their changing station (on top of the dresser)

Buy a changing pad

Make and hang curtains
Buy and install blinds

Make and hang mobiles above the crib
Install closet rod and whatever else we'll put in the closet for storage

(what else do we want in the closet for storage??)

Install carseats in the car
Pack a bag for the hospital

Things to remember to bring:

Glasses

Notebook
Camera

Make plans for Dash and Daisy while we're in the hospital

Type up instructions for caring for them

Make meals and put them in the freezer
Plan their newborn photoshoot
Purchase, write and mail thank you cards for gifts

Transition all work to others at the office

What am I forgetting?

2011-08-14T19:42:00.003-05:00

Already to Week 27!

When you find out you're pregnant at week 4 and learn that you're having twins at week 5, the first few months can feel like they take FOREVER. (I imagine that if you have morning sickness time probably feels like it's moving even MORE SLOWLY).

Of course, we hope the babies love it in the womb and want to stay there for a long time (37/38 weeks) - and that means, that we're probably at the "less than 10 weeks left" mark.

Well holy cannoli.

It was a super fun weekend with family, celebrating the twins with both David's family and mine. We're blessed to be surrounded with so much love and support - really - raising these babies is a team sport. So, many of you have seen "the bump" recently, but for those that haven't (and because I was actually dressed with make up on), here we are at 27 weeks. Thank you God for one more day with these babies.

2011-08-12T14:29:00.003-05:00

Isn't having twins fun?

That's how my OB greeted me today. God love him :)

As a result of this week's increased crotch pain, and the fact that I've been feeling movement, what seems to be VERY low, I called the doctor yesterday to ask if anything was "out of the ordinary." The nurse felt like everything sounded normal (especially for twins and the "octopus you have growing inside you" (her words, not mine)) but made an appointment for me to be seen today, just to be sure. As she said, I'm almost 27 weeks, and preterm labor is a real concern from this point forward.

So, off to the doctor I went today. My next appointment is still two weeks out, and I'm never going to argue with seeing my babies' hearts beating. Here's what I learned:

1. The varicose vein in my crotch and inner thigh is "quite mild" (in my male OB's eyes, anyway). Nothing to do with it except deal with it.

2. My cervix measures 5. I should have asked what this means exactly - or the scale that is used (no, I am not dilated to 5, I'm not dilated at all). But in the doctor's words, 5 is "great." Apparently the smaller the number the more the cervix is shortening, which leads to labor (I think, anyway).

3. Babies' heartbeats are: boy: 143, girl: 142

4. She's still breech (actually TRANSVERSE) - yes, that's right, she's laying horizontally in me. I mean really, baby girl, just make yourself comfortable in there. Yes, yes. There is definitely time for her to turn - hey, now that I think of it, she's halfway turned. Maybe that's what she's been working on in there!

4. And. Wait for it. HE'S BREECH! Sometime in the last 2 weeks he's gone from head down to head up. I found this awesome illustration of what they look like right now. I have no idea why, but the photo really makes me laugh. I think they kinda look like sumo wrestlers.

5. The pain I feel in my groin, whenever I try to move. It's not going away. And according to my lovely OB, it's only going to get worse. In his words, "if you were having another baby after this you would be able to see how much more twins take a toll on you than singletons do."

Moral of the story today:

All is great with the babies. And I'm committed to this. It hurts; it's going to hurt more. And David's just going to have to keep rolling me over. Having babies is a team sport ;)

2011-08-11T08:35:00.003-05:00

this pain in my crotch

I've tried to stay as positive as possible during this pregnancy - I feel so lucky to be here, healthy and with two babies. My symptoms have been minimal. Let's see...in the beginning there was extreme fatigue and extreme hunger...and then there was the round ligament pain.

And really, that's been it, until the last few weeks. I've seen my chiropractor several times to realign my spine and try to alleviate some of the pressure from all of the weight I am carrying around (last count we're up to 31 pounds). And the chiropractor is wonderful, but it doesn't take long for things to shift out of place.

I've been calling the symptoms I'm experiencing things like:

- pain that feels like my groin is tearing apart

- numbness in my legs

- throbbing pain from the varicose vein in my crotch and inner leg

- inability to roll over once I am laying down in bed

The last symptom (and David's response, which is to get up and literally pick me up and roll me over) inspired me this morning to try to find the actual names of these symptoms.

And I think I have.

Pubic symphysis diastasis

It seems to be yet another joyful outcome of all of the hormones in my body. And, of course, I get extra credit hormones since I have double joy in my uterus.

Here we are, a quick summary of the issue:

Symphysis pubic dysfunction, or SPD, is a relatively common (but uncommonly painful) pregnancy condition. It's caused by a relaxation of the ligaments that normally keep the two sides of the pelvic bone tightly bound together at the symphysis pubis, the joint in the pubic area. (The culprit here is the hormone relaxin, which softens those joints to give baby an easier path out into the world.) Sometimes, the ligaments loosen too much and quite early in pregnancy (symptoms may start around the middle of pregnancy) causing instability in the pelvic joint. One side might shift more than the other when you are walking or just moving your legs — especially if you separate them, as you would to get out of your car — causing a world of hurt. (In rarer cases, the joint may gape apart noticeably — a condition called diastasis symphysis pubis). Bearing any weight, in fact — or even trying to roll over in bed — will cause tremendous pain in the pelvis (the pubic bone will be sore to the touch), groin, hips, and sometimes the buttocks. The pain can travel down the inner thighs, and you may feel a clicking or grinding when you move. And standing on one leg? Torture. (From http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/ask-heidi/pelvic-pain.aspx)

It seems, there's little that can be done for these symptoms. Moist heat is recommended, as well as kegels and avoiding activities that cause the pain. (Got-ta love that last recommendation. Duh.)

So - all the mamas out there. Has anyone else felt this? Will it really go away, as promised by the Internet?

2011-08-09T13:37:00.004-05:00

this freaking moose

Never, have I been SO disappointed by an online store. I LOVE THIS MOOSE and yet, I can't seem to receive one that isn't broken!

The first moose arrived last week with several small pieces broken from one antler.

Now, my second moose has arrived. And it looks like this.

I immediately emailed the customer service rep that I have been working with at ZGallerie.com and am waiting to hear back regarding how they are going to handle this.

OY!

2011-08-04T07:45:00.003-05:00

my new nephew, Kelton

My sister had her second baby (boy) on Saturday. I can only hope my labor and delivery is as straight-forward as both of hers have gone!

Here's the little guy (this is the first I've seen his eyes open!) When I hold him the twins kick like crazy!

2011-08-03T15:09:00.003-05:00

and we're having 2

No really. Don't freak out like I just did.

This lovely, happy calculator can be found: http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

2011-08-03T10:19:00.008-05:00

the battle of the nursery projects

If you recall, the twins' cribs were ordered June 27. They arrived the very next day. And since June 28 they have been sitting quietly in their boxes on one side of the living room. On the opposite wall are their cousins, the mattresses that arrived on June 29.

Of course it *didn't* make sense to put the cribs together until we had a nursery with a floor and finished walls -- why do construction around these things. I didn't imagine that it would be more than a month later before we'd be to that point, but alas we are. In fairness - a lot is going on in that room, and David has been working on it in his spare time (since he picked up a summer job.)

Here's our "construction to do list, if you recall":

Scrape the walls DONE!

Cut out a closet DONE!

Remove the carpet DONE!

Build out the newly cut closet DONE!

Texture and paint the walls

Lay new flooring DONE!

Build the cribs

Move the dresser up from the basement

The goal is to have the cribs up by this weekend. And God help me if any of the pieces for the cribs are missing or damaged. Seriously, if that happens RUN away from me.

While David focuses on furniture, I've been focused on decor. Last week's MAJOR win was the purchase of the white moose. Before you get too excited, let me deflate you by letting you know that Mr. Moose arrived yesterday. With a broken antler. Ugh. I called zgallerie and they are taking care of it - so hoping the second moose arrives in tact!

Last week I also fell in love with a little thing (well 2 of them) called a crib skirt. I decided I wasn't going to pick out a "crib set" because you get all this stuff that never gets used (aka a crib comforter) and for me the bumper (not planning to use. Everyone has an opinion about the safety of using and not using crib bumpers, so please, feel free to share below your thoughts on my decision. Alas it seemed that my "decor" might include: crib skirts, sheets, curtains, wall art, mobiles, rug.

Of course, in typical "I'm not a designer" fashion, I picked all of these items as my starting point. I started "pinning" all kinds of things. And then I finally bit the bullet and ordered crib skirts.

Are they the right thing for the nursery? I have no idea. But they are on their way! I love them, don't get me wrong. Completely love them. An awesome color green to go with gray, yellow, maybe other colors if I get really inspired. Plus, I love the texture and thought they would be a great little spice of life to other textures around the room.

The search continued with curtains. I spent DAYS scouring sites for curtains....the original idea had been to make them. One trip to Joann Fabrics came up short, so I quickly ditched the DIY plan and started looking online for curtains. Since I had such cute patterned skirts I thought I might be able to do a cheap solid color curtain and just make it work. Don't commit to this idea though - I didn't. Nothing felt right to go along with the skirt.

SO....I spent the weekend searching ONLINE for fabric. What a nightmare. I found so many things that I really like (check out some of the thoughts I pinned), most of which were too pricey for my taste (well not for my taste, but for my justification).

And then it happened. I clicked on ONE MORE PAGE OF RESULTS ON AMAZON. And there it was. Indoor/outdoor fabric from the same company that makes the skirt (coincidentally), in my price range, with what I think is the same color green PLUS complimentary colors and a fun pattern that's not too feminine or too masculine. (Do you see what I'm working with!?!?)

Of course I thought finding the fabric was hard. I hadn't even calculated how many yards I needed yet. And since I've never made curtains before (HA!), I've never measured for curtains before either! Exciting!! A super great thing to do on Sunday night, measure windows and Google how to calculate fabric needs for curtains. Done and done. I ordered the fabric before I had time to change my mind and apparently arriving Friday. WOOHOO!

Which, finally, brings me to the title of this post.

Embarrassingly I can't believe it took me this long to figure this out. Yesterday morning I realized that one way to *push* David to getting his portions of the nursery done might be to challenge him to it. (He's uber-competitive, how had I not already thought of this!!!??) And so, even though I don't have my supplies yet, I bet him that I would finish the curtains before he would have the cribs together.

And, he took the bet :)

(And you all realize this is a win-win situation for me, right? I mean, I can't lose!)

2011-07-31T08:44:00.003-05:00

Week 25 belly

I had so much fun having maternity photos taken yesterday. I'm still not sure what I am going to do with them, but at least I have them to look at when the twins are 10.

Of course while at the shoot my nephew Kelton Thomas was born. So it was a little rush here rush there, but all great in the end! Hoping to visit this afternoon and snag some shots of the little guy. Baby and mom are doing great!

Here's one out-take from the shoot. I'll share more when I have them.

2011-07-29T16:45:00.006-05:00

Breech!!

I'm starting week 25 of pregnancy - feeling great, looking pregnant and trying to figure out how to decorate the twins nursery. Seriously. That is stresssssing me out.

I've been dumping ideas into Pinterest trying to figure out exactly what to buy to bring my vision to life...things can't be too matchy matchy - I want to include gray, yellow, green, aqua maybe....even maybe some hints of fuscia for my baby girl and a little blue for my boy. The point is, even with dark floors and gray walls there will be color. The room will be happy. Everyone will sleep well in this room. Oh, and there will be a moose head. This one in fact. Because yes, I ordered it.

(Check out Mr. Moose here)

This morning's regular doctor appointment went well, very routine. The babies are growing, about 1.5 pounds each. They're very active and apparently both like the right side of my uterus...It seems that *still* baby girl is breech.

My doctor advised that we should really start thinking about how we want to deliver. (Not that we have a choice, but given certain scenarios, we do.) Let's see...here's how this could possibly go...

1. Girl turns and both babies present head down. --> wait to go into labor and most likely deliver vaginally.
2. Boy turns and they're both breech. --> schedule a c-section.
3. Babies stay how they are. --> our choices are to either a) deliver baby boy vaginally and deliver girl breech (pray that she flips at the last minute) b) deliver both via c-section.
4. Girl becomes presenting twin while breech --> hmmm. not sure. but likely schedule a c-section.

So currently we're faced with #3. My doctor continues to prove his worth to me. He explained that babies born breech face a slight increase in the chance of complications or permanent defect. It's not a crazy high risk, but risks nonetheless. The risk for me, if I try to deliver them both, is that there is a pretty good chance that she won't turn, and will struggle to come out breech. That means off to the OR for me and healing in both my crotch and my belly.

Walking to the car David and I agreed immediately. If baby girl doesn't turn before I go into labor we're going c-section. It's not want I want. I want to deliver them both naturally. But, even more, I don't want to put her at risk for problems due to a breech birth AND I don't want to heal in two places. The goal remains: 2 healthy babies who may or may not have a finished nursery by the time they come home :).

2011-07-27T14:41:00.009-05:00

The babies' room has an actual floor!

It's taken awhile, but we're finally addressing the need for the babies to have a room. And so, an update for all of you on the project that is "the nursery."

Let's start with the floor. Of course we couldn't let the babies hang out on the shag carpeting that came with the house (yuck-o), but we left the room "as is" since we moved in in December 2008. It was, in a sense our second "garage" (a term my friend Jenny always used for the second bedroom of their two bedroom

apartments), a room that housed crap.

So, a couple of months ago, David emptied the room, we sorted through all of the contents (rummage, Goodwill, garbage, storage) and sat with an empty room for a little while.

The plan was for David to:

Scrape the walls (I'll explain momentarily)

Cut out a closet (I'll explain momentarily)

Remove the carpet

Build out the newly cut closet

Texture and paint the walls

Lay new flooring

Build the cribs

Move the dresser up from the basement

So the scraping of the walls story...It seems that the previous owners of the house had little regard to primer. When we pulled the trim off of our bedroom walls to prepare for refinishing the trim a huge piece of paint fell right off. So, lesson learned. As we update each room in our house we scrape off the paint (doesn't take much), sand down the shotty mudding job, texture and paint. It's a silly thing to have to do, but we do it.

And the closet details...prior to cleaning out the bedroom David and I stood in it trying to figure out how we were going to fit two cribs in this roughly 11' x 11' room (with windows on the two outside walls). this bedroom came with a long, shallow closet with sliding doors. And then it hit me! We could tuck one crib in the existing closet and cut a new closet in the wall next to it, "stealing" the closet from the office (which is on the other side of the wall). That way, both cribs could be on interior walls and we'd still have a little closet space.

Here's a layout of the space to help visualize:

A month ago David set the date for the new flooring to be installed. And so, this weekend he finished scraping, started mudding and cut out the new closet.

See?

And on Monday morning, as planned, the flooring installers came and, well, installed the flooring.

So...4 of the 8 things on the list are done (slightly out of order, which does drive me crazy because now the floor has to be covered while construction continues), but I'm distracted looking for crib skirts, crib bedding and curtains. Mentally preparing for how to explain to David how things that don't "match" actually "match." Oh, and also drooling over this, which I will go home and beg David for tonight (he inevitably won't understand why it's white and not "more real looking". Because it's art, that's why.):

My friend the moose is from: http://www.zgallerie.com/p-8949-moose-head-small-15.aspx

2011-07-22T16:53:00.004-05:00

Ah the babymoon

Throughout the summer I can't help but think that this is my last summer "pre-kids." And while we are SO excited for the twins, I do feel this twinge of *we should have taken one more vacation before I was too big to move.*

I love the idea of a night or two at the Sundara for their "babymoon" package. Or renting a place in Door County and spending time outside enjoying the weather, good food, etc. And of course, something more than that would have been great -- a few days away somewhere doing adult things (not those things) and relaxing (since we know that word won't be back in our vocabulary for a long time).

Not only do we have twins on the horizon (we're 83 days from my due date people), David resigned his position (and paycheck) and he is going back to college starting tonight. And, June and July seemed to be the months of money suck for Team Janusz (I totaled my car in June and purchased a new one AND July brought both plumbing and heating/cooling problems to casa Janusz). But just as I am writing that, August isn't too far behind. It seems that making over the guest room into a nursery, while cheap on the "buying stuff to put in the room" front, wasn't cheap on the "add a ceiling fan, cut out a wall, lay new flooring" front. Thank God David is handy because it would be so much worse without him.

So, money is tight, and that means things that aren't necessary don't happen. Vacationing before the babies come is just one of those things. Add to the money, time. I'm hoarding my vacation days like they're my last drops of water to drink. I've missed 1 day of work year-to-date. So, taking time off pre-babies just doesn't seem like the best idea. I want as much time as I can have after the babies are out of my uterus.

So, I'm racking my brain to come up with some cheap (read: free) things for David and I to do to relish in the last few weeks of "before we are parents" time.

Here's what I've come up with so far:

Bonfire with friends in our backyard
Walk around Lake Geneva (but it is SO crowded)
Movie night on our couch with movies we borrow from friends
Cook "fancy" dinners together (since I know that won't be happening for at least 5 years)
Taking the dogs for short and slow walks

What about you? How have you celebrated your last few weeks pre-baby? What else can we do that wouldn't cost too much?

2011-07-19T11:49:00.003-05:00

mattress safety

My latest fear is SIDS. My reading as of late suggests that there is no way to prevent SIDS - and no known cause of it, but that there are precautions that parents can take.

I thought I was the coolest "mom" ever by finding the babies' cribs (with a mattress) for $150 online. I snatched those puppies up in a hot minute.

Now, I'm looking at the mattresses sitting in our living room (waiting for the nursery to be ready for furniture) and fearing that they are too cheap to be safe enough for the babies.

So here's what we got. With our Graco Stanton cribs, came a Kolcraft 800 mattress. This mattress is cheap. Walmart sells it for $38. Don't get me wrong, it gets great reviews, but is it firm enough? Free of chemicals enough? It's a long shot from organic.

My admiration for YoungHouseLove sent me back to their blog this morning to remind myself of the mattress they got. A $400+ organic mattress that they love. So that's not gonna happen in our house.

Back to the internet I've gone, researching what makes a "great" crib mattress. It seems to be:

Firmness (make it hard)
Lack of chemicals
Snug fit to crib

So my mattresses are firm(ish) (Kolcraft calls them firm, I've not compared them to anything); because they are fire retardant I have to assume they are full of chemicals; and I haven't tested their fit to the cribs yet (I assume they'll fit well).

What to do what to do!? Do I buy organic mattresses? If so, what should they be made of? Soybeans, organic cotton?

2011-07-18T08:40:00.006-05:00

visiting the chiropractor

I'm sure this will be a post of some controversy, but I have to say, my chiropractor is my hero. Only a few weeks into pregnancy I started to feel a lot of pain putting any weight on my right leg. The pain was up in my tailbone / hip area. One afternoon at home I was able to lay down, sway around a bit and magically "pop" something that relieved the pain, but it didn't take long for it to be back.

From time to time over the last 5 years I have seen Dr. Ronchetti for other ailments (it seems sitting at a desk all day with my arms out in front of me typing isn't the best on my shoulders), so I knew to call her immediately about the hip.

I've always felt immediate relief from seeing the chiropractor, but this visit was a little different. It actually hurt to have her put my tailbone back (the pain didn't last, but the actual adjustment did hurt) and she did a few other minor adjustments in my neck and back.

While a "controversial" treatment to have during pregnancy, my OB was supportive of the treatment and good back positioning is believed to have many benefits for the pregnant as well. Not only is the curve of your back changing as you grow out the front side of you, placing strain on your back and pelvis, but a pelvic bone out of place actually affects the shape and size of your uterus available for the baby. Keep things nice and open, and you feel better while giving baby(ies) as much room as possible. Some also believe chiropractics can help with breech baby situations.

I was a bit nervous about putting any pressure on my belly (laying on my stomach while the doctor pushes down to adjust me), but the techniques are modified when you're pregnant, and the table also has a gap in it where my stomach hangs through. (As a stomach sleeper, I actually really enjoy laying on my stomach for these 2 minutes since I haven't been able to for the last 5 months.)

If you're interested in watching an adjustment - here's a quick video (not of me). Nothing scary. Promise.

http://video.answers.com/chiropractic-adjustment-during-pregnancy-118121734

2011-07-12T09:11:00.004-05:00

what's going on in me

As crazy of a planner as I am, I have surprised myself with as little as I have read during my pregnancy. I think the "trauma" of getting pregnant set me up with an attitude of "take each day as it comes." I remember in the early weeks just praying that at least one baby would make it. That probably sounds terrible, but miscarrying was a fear. I had never been pregnant before and had no idea how my body would handle this new task (I still don't!)

Now, I thank God every day for one more day with my babies. I love to feel them every day (I worry when I feel like too many hours has passed since I last felt them) and try to imagine what they're doing in there. Side note: last week I asked David what he thinks they think about. Haha. That was an interesting conversation for sure!

I'm always wondering which one is doing the kicking and what it looks and feels like to them. Too bad I'll never be able to ask them :)

Here's a glimpse at what's going on inside me these days:

Image courtesy of BabyCenter.com

2011-07-11T07:48:00.003-05:00

a look inside at 21 weeks

On July 1 we were able to take a detailed look at les enfants for my big 20 week ultrasound. The doctor labeled every organ, some bones, checked the spine, compartments of the brain, heart. You name it, he checked it. I, of course, couldn't have told you *that* was the stomach, but choose to believe the babies each have stomachs.

If you're so inclined, feel free to watch the vids. Each baby has 2, one of all the labeling action, and a second where we got to see them look more like a baby and less like a bunch of parts.

Girl part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0OpLBBNK0Y

Girl part two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26UG-SdIhro

Boy part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8Usw4ldufs

Boy part two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WsY1WuFcu0

2011-07-09T14:50:00.002-05:00

(almost) 22 weeks

Here's the bump with 2 babies at a day shy of 22 weeks. I've gained 24 pounds, 2 of which is baby :)

Everything's great here!

2011-07-05T16:17:00.003-05:00

how much will these babies cost?

David resigning at school leaves us in an interesting spot. Our health insurance expires August 31. At that time we have the option to take COBRA or to switch to my insurance.

That may sound like an easy decision on the surface. But it's not. We have premiums, deductibles, co-pays, maximums, etc. to evaluate for both...and trying to PREDICT what we'll need for care between September 1 and December 31 is nearly impossible.

I (surprise) created a jumbo spreadsheet trying to outline all the possibilities for care that I or the babies may need (we're not even worrying about David at this point): chiropractic, OB check ups, delivery, hospital stay, NICU??, post delivery check ups so that I could see how each of the insurances would cover them. The result - few actual answers and more confusion. There's no master sheet of what the insurance will cover. It seems they have exceptions to every rule.

So, thank God David can still see straight, we're starting over. I've reprinted the materials for both policies and we're digging in. This time at surface level. We're going to first call both companies and have them walk us through what they cover for all the routine stuff. (You know, admission to the hospital, pop out a baby, stay a night or two and go home). Then, and only then will we pile on the next level of unknown and terror (pre-delivery in-hospital bedrest, NICU stays for the babies, other random unknowns I can't even dream of).

Has anyone dealt with this before? On one hand it's nice to have "options" but with so many things happening, I'm stressed we'll pick the wrong insurance!

2011-06-30T08:17:00.003-05:00

the new car has arrived

Well, only 2 short weeks after totaling my precious Corolla, David and I became proud parents of a 2011 Subaru Outback Limited yesterday.

After talking with a few dealerships and no one wanting to meet our price (in fact the first sales guy laughed) I talked with Kyle - a new sales guy at Subaru City. And to his surprise, his sales manager confirmed on the phone that they had a car coming in the next day, with our specs, and he would meet my price. It was the end of the month after all :)

David and I met our new beauty yesterday (we even took 2 car seats from my bff Jaime so we would have NO surprises about car seats that don't fit. Wouldn't that be the best? Buy a new car for our new family and then no one fits in the car. Ha. Not funny.) and I nervously drove it back to my office. (It's amazing how much one little accident still shakes me up to drive.)

So this is my primary car, but committed to still taking the bus quite a bit to save on gas, wear/tear and my sanity - at least until I'm closer to my due date. And, David is looking forward to getting to drive it for groceries and other house-husband things for the next few weeks.

Now, we just need to name her...

2011-06-27T09:26:00.003-05:00

twins cribs are finally picked out!

I'm so bad at making decisions, especially big ones, that involve picking out 2 cribs to go with the black, worn looking dresser, gray walls and moose theme of the babies' room.

Our requirements for the cribs were: had to be less than 54" wide (1 crib has to fit in the former closet "nook" we are creating); had to convert into a toddler (and even better full size) bed, has to cost less than $200 each.

Thoughts included: should I compliment with gray cribs, natural looking cribs, dark cribs, white cribs??? For a day or so, I could justify all of these options.

Over the weekend I became inspired by this bedding and this bedding (I should probably narrow the selection down and remove one from my registries, but we'll get to that later), so this morning, ever-inspired, I jumped back into crib mode thinking something dark was the way to go.

Imagine my joy when I saw this crib, which met ALL requirements, AND included a Kolcraft mattress. All for the joyous price of $159 each (and free shipping to my front door).

Is it the perfect crib? Is it the "right" color?

I have no idea, but we're going to make it work!

2011-06-22T13:51:00.000-05:00

we got a sneak peek at the babies!!

2011-06-21T13:47:00.007-05:00

Infertility become fertility - the last part of my fertility story

Enter February 8, 2011

On February 8, 2011 I went back to the doctor. We knew this would be our last month of drugs. And we believed it would work. We were positive about everything around us. I also decided to sign up for a half marathon. I knew working on myself and thinking about a new goal would be good for my mental state. Even though, I hate running. Positivity is our creed. David and I were in a great place - everything felt great and we were just letting life go. We even decided to tack on 3 days in Las Vegas together after my upcoming work trip.

On the 19th I got what would be the first of many positive ovulation tests. I got my shot, ate a lot of pancakes and cleaned the whole house. I thought a lot about the baby that was on the way, and dreamed about the nursery and how we would arrange everything. We, of course, did the deed….I kept getting positive ovulation tests and didn’t want to miss a day in case that was the day! I remember one night, neither of us in the mood, but I was not going to quit. I texted my girlfriend Lindsay to tell her I wasn't sure it was going to happen because David had fallen asleep. Her response "you do whatever you have to do to get that sperm!" And I did. This was my baby, after all. No sacrifice too big!

And then we waited.

Now that the fertilization had happened (thinking positively, remember) we just had to wait. I still worked out (even though I wondered every time I ran if I was shaking loose a baby that was trying to implant…)

On March 3 I met my bestie Griffin for dinner. On the way there I called my mom to see if she remembered feeling implantation. I was kinda crampy that day and thought maybe… She didn't recall ever noticing implantation, but other friends I talked to, had felt something. I told Griffin at dinner that it felt weird, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was my baby!

Day 29 of my cycle. This was a couple of days before I "normally" got my period, but I decided to take a pregnancy test. It had been several days since I felt a little cramping, I had no spotting or other signs of my period. And, even though my doctor warned me about testing too early, what the hell. I wanted to take a test.

Time out

Unlike "normal" pregnancies, pregnancies produced with HCG shots can create a false positive pregnancy test. That is the exact hormone the tests look for, so because I had been given a shot of HCG a couple of weeks prior, it could still be in my body and produce a positive test - even if I wasn't pregnant. The risk of false positives doesn't exist otherwise - either the hormone is in your body because you are pregnant or its not. My doctor, God bless her, had warned me of this. She wanted to make sure I didn't get excited and then have a huge let down.

Time in

The test was positive. So that meant I could be pregnant. If it was negative, well then the game was over. But this meant that I was either legitimately pregnant or I had a false positive. So I had played the game, I had eliminated one possible scenario, and the game continued.

Day 30, no period. Day 31, no period. I'm holding my breath because I should have it by now...

On March 9, day 32 I stayed home to go to the dentist in the morning and then called my doctor. I wanted to talk to her about going off of my antidepressant. I didn't think it was doing much and I just didn't want to be on it anymore. I also mentioned that I'm one day late. "Well take a test," she said. "Well I took one Sunday and it was positive," was my response. "Well take a test today, and then call me back." I wasted the only test I had left at home - I just couldn't pee. I waited to see, but it errored out. Off to the store for more tests and juice so I would have to go! When I got home from meeting my mom for lunch I took another test. And hot damn, it was positive. It was the second, but felt like the first, positive test I had ever seen in my life. I remember taking a picture of it and walking out of the bathroom without saying a word.

Time out

My fertility doctor had advised that day that I continue taking the antidepressant. She didn't want to change anything about the chemical make up of my body while I was potentially implanting a baby. The same thing went for the Metformin. (There are varying theories on this.) I continued to take both until my 12 week check-up. Dropped both cold turkey, and everything has worked out perfectly.

Time in

The next day I got to go to the doctor for bloodwork to confirm my pregnancy. The HCG value had to be at least 5 to be pregnant. And if I was pregnant, they would also test Progesterone to make sure that I was producing enough and determine if I needed to take synthetic hormones. I was hoping the number was 8. 8 is my favorite number, and it was more than 5 which seemed like such a minimum. So I was hoping for 8. Katina called the next day. HCG was 3,741 and Progesterone 48. I made her repeat it back to me. "And I was hoping for 5?" I said. Indeed. I was.

I’M PREGNANT! And not only am I pregnant, but my body is producing more than twice as much Progesterone as it needs to. For the first time in a long time, I don't need to be on my drugs!

Bloodwork was redone on the 14th to make sure that HCG was climbing. This is an easy sign of early pregnancy success. If the number starts to decline the pregnancy may not be viable. That day, the HCG number came back at 17,929. Still pregnant.

As a "special fertility case" I also got an ultrasound on the 17th to confirm implantation, but my doctor had another motive. She suspected twins and sure enough. There they were. Two tiny little specs on the screen. Holy shit.

Not only did I have two babies, but the sudden boost in hormones (from the drugs + pregnancy) had caused one of the cysts to balloon to the size of a softball INSIDE MY RIGHT OVARY. It sounded very scary, although I couldn't feel it at all. The concern was making sure that it didn't erupt. So I had to take it very easy (no running) and had to come back every week to watch the cyst.

Those first several weeks of pregnancy were really easy. I was VERY hungry and VERY tired. But I wasn't nauseous at all. On the first day of week 6 I woke up and thought "so this is what it feels like to have morning sickness." And that lasted for two days, never to be felt again (really, I'm 19 weeks, and haven't been sick. Soooo lucky!)

On the 23 of March I went back for my second ultrasound. This was week 6. The doctor informed me that detecting the heartbeats was the next milestone on this journey. If she saw it today, great, but she had to see it by the next appointment or we may have issues...and there they were. My tiny little babies. And I could see their hearts beating. They were alive. Those first heartbeats were measured: A= 117 bpm; B=121 bpm.

For the next two weeks the doctor would check the heartbeats and measure the cyst - ensuring that everything was moving in the right direction. And it was.

And that's where you all joined this journey. We announced the twins and even shared the pictures of their hands (at 12 weeks).

Now, at 19 weeks, I cry about all kinds of things, but I still haven't cried about the babies. I don’t think it has hit me - in 20 weeks or less we'll be holding these babies. It is actually happening. We wanted so badly to have a baby, and God is giving us two. Our road through infertility was actually quite short (compared to so many others who struggle). We didn't know the right thing to do or not do. And it will be that way for us for the rest of our lives.

Every night when I go to bed I hold my belly and say "Thank you God for one more day with these babies." I imagine I'll be saying that for a long, long time.

That's the end of the infertility story - but we're just getting started! We have 20 more weeks of this pregnancy--genders to learn, names to pick out, David will eventually be able to FEEL the babies and see them moving, we have birthing class to take. Really - the fun is just getting started!

xoxoxo

**Catching up on my story? Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here, Part 3 is here, Part 4 is here and Part 5 is here!**

2011-06-17T11:54:00.004-05:00

Mandatory mid-pregnancy car accident?

The short version of the story: I rear-ended an SUV on the way home last night. It was my fault. The babies and I were checked at the hospital and everything looks fine.

I've driven the same commute for 8 years wondering when it would be my turn to be in an accident. I never imagined it would be while carrying these babies. Luckily, traffic was moving slowly, I was wearing my seatbelt, and neither me, nor the woman I hit was injured.

Lesson learned: do not reach for kleenex while driving. Wipe the snot on your pants.

I opted not to go via ambulance to the hospital and met David, who drove me there. It worked out so well because I called my OB's office to let him know I was headed there (just so he would know) and it turned out my fertility doctor was in the office still. (This was after 6 p.m.) She met us in Labor and Delivery (SCARY WORDS TO HAVE SOMEONE SAY) and checked my entire body over, checked the babies, and ordered an ultrasound right away so that I could see them

moving and confirm their heartbeats. They were moving all over (I couldn't feel it), I'm sure thinking "WTF mom!"

Special thanks to: the police officer who ticketed me for inattentive driving. I'm sending in my $191 fine right now....; the tow truck driver who was very sweet while I sat in his truck crying (and knew not to take the car to the dealer I suggested because they don't have a body shop); the Milwaukee Fire Dept. (all very good looking, very kind men ;) ); my infertility doctor who stayed much passed her shift to make sure I was okay and hugged me before she left; and of course, David, who's only concern has been me and the babies. He's not once expressed any concern about the car, my driving record, our insurance cost, etc.

Happy Friday all!

2011-06-16T12:04:00.003-05:00

Oh the questions we'll get

I know that last week was just the START of the questions, and stares, we'll get having twins. And that's ok.

I got a HUGE chuckle out of this bag today. Yep, I bet those will be a lot of the answers I am giving once we're carting A & B around.

Bag from Cafe Press

2011-06-14T10:20:00.002-05:00

Guess the babies' genders!!

We find out in a couple of weeks - in the meantime, vote!

2011-06-14T08:27:00.006-05:00

18 weeks - in the flesh

We need to stop taking belly pictures at night. The lighting is terrible which means the flash, well the flash is also terrible.

Anyway, as a result, the best photo from this week is one that exposes the stomach. And I guess, I might as well "show it off" before the stretch marks come.

So, in case you've been wondering what I look like at 18 weeks with twins - wonder no more!

And, because they are so damn cute, I can't leave out this picture of my other babies from Sunday. love. them.

2011-06-13T12:57:00.003-05:00

the babies are fine. I'm still a little shaken up.

As I tweeted last night, Dash decided to eat Daisy's food, which resulted in me running over with the bowl of week old (about to throw away) guacamole, yelling and screaming, and slapping him in the rear. Of course, my heart was then racing and what resulted was a VERY hard, very SORE tummy.

I stayed off my feet the rest of the night, but couldn't stop thinking about what I might have cause with the babies - since my stress is their stress.

Since I couldn't get it off my mind, I did call the doctor right away this morning and saw him at 11:30. The babies heartbeats are both there (144/154) and upon examination my uterus feels fine (no signs of distress or worse).

I reassured my doctor (and David) that I would not be yelling at the dogs anymore, and would in fact try to take it a bit easier than I have in general.

2011-06-08T16:01:00.004-05:00

Are your twins natural?

Today's lunch found me shopping for new bras at Motherhood. I think I finally found something comfortable - thank God. The sales girl was super sweet, helping me find what I need and also talking to me about accommodating for "future needs" as it relates to the size of my growing top half.

It's what happened at check out that surprised me. I don't know why I feel it necessary to tell strangers that I am having twins, instead of just leaving it as, "yep, I'm expecting," but I told her. And her first question was "are they natural?"

Of course, talking about my infertility is totally fine with me. Glad to talk about it with anyone, but her question caught me off-guard. My first thought was to say "well, they aren't fake." I think the reason why it rubs me the wrong way is because people assume that because you're having multiples, you had IVF. And there's nothing wrong with IVF, but I didn't go through that. And where do I draw the line between naturally conceiving, "assisted conceiving" (I just made that term up), and how much of it all to explain to people?

Should I say to people "they were conceived with fertility drugs?" Should I just tell strangers, "Yes, they're natural" and explain more to the people close to me? And does any of it actually matter???

2011-06-06T13:23:00.004-05:00

Nobody talks about elastic pants

Maybe I didn't involve myself in enough maternity conversation priority to conceiving, but I don't remember friends talking about elastic pants.

As I discovered in week 13, maternity pants are the greatest thing ever. I've now been wearing them for a month, and for a while thought I might never switch back to *real* pants.

But today it hit me (as the thick blue elastic waistband of my jeans snuck out from under my t-shirt), I can't tuck anything in. And for some reason, even though upon further thought, I can't remember the last time I *wanted* to tuck something in, I'm upset that I can't tuck my shirts in.

And now I'm thinking about a month from now, three months from now, when my belly is so big and I don't have any shirts big enough to cover it and it's hanging out the bottom.

Stopping this train of thought before it goes somewhere entirely depressing...

2011-06-06T12:09:00.004-05:00

My first *hormonal* crying reaction

I may have cried about this anyway, I may not have. But I did, and I'm full of hormones, so I'm tying the two together.

I got an email this morning from Daisy's former foster mom, Judy. She was letting us know that it was a year ago, 6/5/10, that they:

"picked up a beautiful little girl to get her ready for her forever home with a wonderful family-she found one! We think of all of you often and wish you the best."

I just love my baby Daisy - "sweetie" as David calls her. We owe her so much for all of the love she has brought to our lives.

And now I'm crying again!

By the way, we found Daisy through the Illinois Shorthair Rescue. We soooo appreciate Judy and her family for providing Daisy such a wonderful foster home and all of their volunteers.

2011-06-05T16:51:00.002-05:00

Week 17: irrational fears

This week I have been thinking a lot about what the babies will look like (every mom does, right?). Will they look similar to each other? Will one look like David, the other me? Will each of them have half of each of our traits, but not look like each other?

And the ultimate crazy-inducing fear: what if one is cute and the other isn't? I know that's really terrible to say, but it could happen. Let's not pretend like it can't.

Thoughts? How do I convince myself to stop thinking about it?

2011-06-03T12:41:00.006-05:00

Oh, I’m going to ovulate on Christmas! Perfect… - Part 5 of the infertility story

Looking ahead it appeared that my O day (as I had begun calling ovulation day) would fall on Christmas Eve. Perfect for all of the festivities we have with the holiday. I started plotting for how we could squeeze sex in between visits to grandma’s and parents' and in-laws' and grandma’s and sleep.

As it turned out I got my positive test on the 21st. So, that morning as we were trying to get out the door to go to work, I put an ice pack on my right butt cheek, mixed together my injection and laid on my bed while David injected the needle into my rear. I hardly felt it.

And so it began.

Christmas Eve was a terrible day. I spent the entire day so very sick and all I could think of was that maybe (JUST MAYBE!!!) I was working on getting pregnant. You know, my insides were moving around and queasy, etc. because I was getting fertilized or something. It was way too early to have morning (all day) sickness, but I needed the hope. Optimism was all I had. I ate nothing on Christmas Eve. Well that’s not true. I ate some banana pie that my Aunt Colleen made. It was good.

On Christmas Eve I ate my dad’s famous French toast (2 pieces) and 6 slices of bacon. It was splendid. I felt like I was back to my normal self. And all we had to do was wait ten more days and see that I was pregnant! It seemed so easy.

Ha!

Yep. Didn’t happen. Cycle day 31 brought my period. I was really sad. Over Christmas I had learned that 2 cousins and a best friend were all expecting. Plus five people at work. Pregnancy was all around me and yet I just couldn’t grab it. I wanted to grab pregnancy and smear it all over my body to hopefully infect me. I got really really sad.

Trying to conceive was a bundle of emotions as it was. Some days and some cycles I was optimistic and other times I was really sad. This time I was really sad.

Back to the EFFING doctor

Infertility treatments, the medications, the side effects, the time spent taking your temperature, going to the doctor, are enough of a pain, but on top of it all, we were paying hundreds of dollars every month for the appointments and tests and drugs. (I don't actually want to add up the real amount. I'm sure we were out of the hundred dollars / month range.) We were trying to have a baby, paying for all of these treatments, planning for David to not work … wasn’t I supposed to be stress free so that I could actually make a baby?

Like every month to date, my exam was fine. The cysts in my ovaries were the same and my temperature chart looked good. It was again a matter or “chance” that I wasn’t pregnant.

My January 2011 appointment was more of the same. I had to travel for work the week that I would likely ovulate. I picked up my HCG shot prescription knowing that I most likely wouldn’t use it. If I was out of town, there was no point. Sure enough, my second day in California I got the positive ovulation test. A month completely wasted.

We knew we only had one more month of fertility medication. Then, it would be time to move on to insemination. We also knew that insemination was more costly (roughly ~$2,000 per month) and that we should be ready to go several months (up to about five). Sometimes it works the first time, sometimes it works the fifth time. Pregnancy is such a game of chance. And yet it didn’t feel like a game of chance when I knew so many people around me that could just decide they “might want to have a baby” and boom! they were pregnant. My sister would ask me “what are the chances of this working?” She always wanted the odds. There weren't any.

Time out

David and I talked a lot during the course of our journey about "how far we should go." We knew from the beginning that we weren't going to do IVF. We didn't have the money for it, and we felt like we would rather save money for adoption, if it got to that point. But before that point, how far is far enough? How much money should we spend? What is having a child "worth" to us? What were we willing to sacrifice? This had to be one of the hardest parts about the entire experience. I would say "If I knew I needed to go 4 more months and then it would work, I would do it!" or "If I knew we needed to spend $X,000 more money and then it would work, we would spend it!" We never knew how long to keep throwing ourselves back into the game. We knew that we had to follow our hearts but also be very aware of our checking account.

Time in

Sometime that month David read the book The Secret. It was a really hard concept for David (and me) to accept. The idea was – believe in the things that you want to happen, imagine them, plan for them, talk about them, and they will happen. Apparently we will things to happen in our life. Our thoughts, our faith is what causes things, good and bad, to happen. It was a nice thought, but what about tragedies that happen? People will those things into their lives? I can't say we fully believed the theory, but we liked the idea of choosing to be positive.

We also started to realize that we had a wonderful life. We may or may not conceive a baby, but we have a great family, wonderful friends, and the cutest, most loving dogs in the world. We were already a family and needed to stop feeling sorry for ourselves, and start being thankful for these things. We needed to pull our heads out of the dirt and enjoy the life around us. We had become so consumed with having a baby and our failures, that we weren’t enjoying what we did have.

David and I decided that we were going to be positive in all of our thoughts and our actions. And we were going to start "accepting our baby into our life." We stood in the bedroom that would be for a baby and talked about how we would make it a nursery. We talked about how we would care for a baby with David going back to school. We talked about what we might name our baby, how the dogs would love the baby. We had to believe that our baby was on his / her way.

We also decided that after February's cycle we would not continue with treatment. Physically I was tired of the way the drugs made me feel, but more so, I was emotionally drained from the process. I felt like I needed a break. We also didn’t have the money to continue. We knew that stopping medical treatment meant if we ever wanted to do insemination in the future, I would have to start over on the medicine to get my cycles going again. Even so, it felt like the right thing to do. We didn’t want to go into debt trying to have a baby and we agreed that we could probably use something else to think about for a while.

**Catching up on my story? Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here, Part 3 is here and Part 4 is here**

2011-06-01T20:55:00.003-05:00

how long will 2 babies fit?

As mentioned, apparently the babies are the size of avocados. (Which does make me feel better about the size of my mid-section. I could see 2 avocados fitting there. Easily.)

Since I didn't get an ultrasound at this week's appointment, I haven't seen the babies in a month. I know, to a singleton pregnant that's hardly any time, but hey, two at a time is literally the only way I know how to do this. And we get special treatment.

Anyway - I did hear the babies yesterday (after reminding the nurse that there is a second baby that she needed to listen to. O.M.G. HELLO! read my chart!), and they're doing just fine.

In the meantime, I took this peek at what fraternal twins look like at 16 weeks. Pretttty cute!

(Image from Baby Center)

2011-06-01T19:24:00.004-05:00

week 16 bump

It's an exciting week in the Janusz house! The babies have reached 16 weeks (the size of avocados), I've gained 15 pounds, AND I FELT THE BABIES TONIGHT! At least I think I did. I feel lots of flipping around. I'm telling myself it's the babies :)

2011-05-31T21:21:00.003-05:00

sex, drugs (no rock and roll) - Part 4 of the infertility story

Last week someone asked how many months of hormones I did. I couldn't remember. I just looked up my pharmacy history. Seven months of Femara (an eighth month on Clomid). (Quick math, since the cost of the medicine went up over time, roughly $1,400 in hormones. Or, diarrhea invokers, as they were.)

August's dosage "worked" in that it got me to cycle. And although we had sex, the stars did not align, and I got my period. A great sign that things were working - which I was surprisingly REALLY encouraged about. My doctor even reminded me - we didn't know for sure anything would work, so a cycle was a great first step.

It was the same story in September - I got a positive ovulation test, but also my period. Who knows, maybe the fertilization was "mistimed." Maybe it didn't really happen. My doctor looked at our calendar for how timing lined up and decided we may not have timed ourselves well.

On to October. Medicine started, we did the deed a bunch of times and I felt like it was really going to work. At the end of the month David went with Dash to North Dakota to go hunting, and I felt motivated to redo the office. I took a trip to IKEA with my sister, and picked out no VOC paint (clearly I was pregnant and couldn't risk the fumes). I spent the weekend painting, hanging new fixtures and eating at Red Lobster with my parents.

one wall of the office "before" (yes, that is a picture of Lyle Lovett on the desk)

the desk on a different wall, complete with cool cups from IKEA and a $9 lamp

frame wall (I still need to put pictures in those)

office window with new curtains. voila!

Nothing.

I was nervous that November was the end of our run.

Time out

The doctor had said we would do 4, 5, 6 months of medication. AT THE MOST. The theory being, either it's going to work, or it's not, so don't waste time on something that's not working. Move on to insemination, eliminate some of the "extraneous factors" (things like assuming the sperm makes it all the way to the eggs since you're putting it right there).

Time in

November was month 5. I gave up. Sure, I took my hormones and we tried. But I didn't believe I would get pregnant. I don’t think I even believed I could get pregnant. I was mentally done.

The conversation turned to "how much longer can I physically and mentally go through this?" "If the doctor gives us one more month, do I even want to take it?"

Then, I had an email, followed by phone exchange with my sister who told me she was going to start trying for their second child. I didn't want to know this. I was watching everyone around me conceive and really, I didn't want to think about how easy it would be for my sister, again.

I didn't get pregnant in November. Blame it on my attitude. I remember thinking, "winter is supposed to be the time that you hole up and make babies." (Isn't that what people do?)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010 is when my period started again. Damn it! I really thought this was the month that I conceived. My boobs even hurt. That night David came home from work and announced that he wouldn't be returning to his job after this school year. We knew this was a potential, and mostly wanted it to be the case. It was part of our plan to move forward with our life. So while it was a good thing, it was suddenly real, which was scary.

That night David and I went to a Christmas party and missed a call from my sister. I texted her late that night but heard nothing. On the way to work the next morning I got a text message from her. It said, “Well…Ive been trying to hangout with u in person-but I was calling to tell u we r expecting a baby july 28. We told mom/dad and the girls last night so we wanted to stop by…but u have been so busy…so now you know.”

I didn’t reply. Just the month before I had explained to Emily that hearing via email, that she was trying to conceive was not only unnecessary but insensitive. A mere three weeks later she was telling me via text message that she was pregnant. (There's more to this part of the story, but I'm keeping it brief.)

Thursday came and I went back to the doctor. For the first time I cried there. I told her about my sister’s text message and how I didn’t respond. I told her that David was leaving his job and that the future was unknown.

The doctor asked me what I thought about going on an anti-depressant. I had literally never thought about it - in my life. I was fine. I mean, I was sad about not getting pregnant, but I was fine. Who wouldn't be sad about that? And yes, I felt uneasy about David’s job transition and the unknown of his career future, but wasn't that normal too? Kathy said she didn't think I was depressed, but instead “situationally frustrated.” She felt that I had more frustrating situations in my life than any person would be able to deal with. She thought that a little “frustration medication” might make me feel better. Might help me think through situations for an extra second before reacting negatively. I took the prescription but wasn't convinced that I would actually take the drugs.

Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal – just try the drugs and see if I feel better. But to me, it was one more drug in my arsenal. I felt like a walking pharmacy. I was now the girl that couldn't get through the normal stuff of life without drugs.

Kathy examined me, looked at my temperature and sex charts, commented on my “beautiful” cycle and explained that there was no reason why I didn’t conceive. It was just a matter of chance and it didn’t happen this time. Time to up the ante.

A shot in the ass

This month we would be adding an HCG shot to the mix. There may be a chance that while it chemically appears I am ovulating, my egg may not be released. Or may not make it all the way. So, on the day of my positive ovulation test I would take a shot in the rear. The hormones would give a little “boost” to that little egg. And God help me, push it out and move it closer to the sperm action.

post publishing note: It should be said - that the relationship between me and my sister is great. A couple of days after "the text" we talked through things.

The dynamics of any friendship has its moments of "how do I handle this situation?" I've run across it with all of my close friends while they had babies and we struggled - and the "how do I tell Anna" moments. What I have to remember is that it's terrible to be on their side. They felt for me every step of the way while we struggled. My sister would have given her right arm if it meant I could conceive. I know that it was an uncomfortable situation for her and she handled the situation in the way that she thought was best at the time. At the end of the day, there was no "ideal" way for her to tell me she was pregnant. It was going to hurt no matter what. And not because I wanted her to struggle, but because I was jealous that it was so easy for her. Life is never smooth - we go from navigating one uncomfortable situation to another. The important thing is that we are able to talk through things and move forward. And we have. :)

**Catching up on my story? Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here, and Part 3 is here**

2011-05-24T17:19:00.001-05:00

week 15 and no time to blog!!

Working to get a few things up for everyone: a pic of the bump, the next installment of the infertility story and an update on what the babies "look" like at this point.

Hang tight - hoping to do that in the next few days. Too exhausted from staying out late at the Brewers game to do it right now!

What gender will the babies be?
	2 boys
	2 girls
	1 boy, 1 girl
	I think the ultrasound won't show it!

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